Speaking it out

Hi all, I'm going to put my story aside for a bit, and dedicate this post to My Lord, and whoever he wants to speak to out there.

I'm going to be always glad to Father, first of all for bringing me up, for guiding me, and never giving up for me even though I have strayed many times. I want to be grateful because, Father, you're truly worth every moment of my time. Everytime I have fell you havn't just looked next to me and say, it's alright, but you've helped picked me up, you've helped correct me, and helped open my eyes.

Many of the church says Christainity is not a religon, and they have thier reasons, but I will always know it is, a wonderful religon, but yest it might not be religious, but it's definatly a religon of a relationship. But My Father, I want you to know, I love you very much, and I am glad you always love me the same as you first saw me, with much abundance and much love.

People are always looking for peace, people are always looking for enlightenment, answers to life, and reasons to live. Father, now I get it, We can all reach enlightenment, be it the church or likewise, we can all find our own sense of peace, but we can't find the answer, which is found in you, the reason which is found in you, we can have everything under the sun like King Solomon said, but all of this is nothing, we can have it all, and yet be depressed. We can have peace enlightenment, but still have no answer or reason. Father I'm even sure we can find ways to be happy, but I'm sure there are sad times for a reason, and I've found out in no matter what season, you're still there, rejoicing or mourning with us. And through it all, you still want the best for us.

It's not about how much we can do in our lives Father right? It's about how much you can do with our lives, it's not scary at all now I see it all ahead, there's certainty, and direction. A calling and an answer, a light and a hope. But most of all Father there's you.

I know you desire not sacrifice, but love, and I'm glad the church loves you very much.

To you whoever is reading this, these words are for you, you can seek it all, be consumed by it all, but at the end of it all, have you found that answer you have been looking for? or just reached a point of enlightenment, denying the truth, and hoping what you hold on to will not rot as our bodies will in the ground. Seek out the truth, but not a lie, ask and seek, but not to prove things wrong, but to ttruly find what you want to find, not to prove what you think is wrong, then may all things be well. I believe whoever you are, you will find my Father, and He will embrace the same as He did with me, through hurts and sorrow, through joy and peace, through bored times and busy times, through enlightenment and hell times.

Thank you Father,

Ecclesiastes 2:17-23
¹⁷ So I hated life, because the work that is done under the sun was grievous to me. All of it is meaningless, a chasing after the wind. ¹⁸ I hated all the things I had toiled for under the sun, because I must leave them to the one who comes after me. ¹⁹ And who knows whether he will be a wise man or a fool? Yet he will have control over all the work into which I have poured my effort and skill under the sun. This too is meaningless. ²⁰ So my heart began to despair over all my toilsome labor under the sun. ²¹ For a man may do his work with wisdom, knowledge and skill, and then he must leave all he owns to someone who has not worked for it. This too is meaningless and a great misfortune. ²² What does a man get for all the toil and anxious striving with which he labors under the sun? ²³ All his days his work is pain and grief; even at night his mind does not rest. This too is meaningless.

John 6:51
I am the living bread that came down from heaven. If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever. This bread is my flesh, which I will give for the life of the world."

Amen.

The past Demon

Chapter 9: Wrath of love

"ARGH!" I screamed in agony, as the pain through my body, I tried to get back up, I channeled all my strength to my legs and knees, to get back up. after a few moments I managed to get back on my feet, with pain traveling throughout my body, I could barely see straight. My wings weighed like two moons, covered with blood, snapped into 3 pieces either side.. as I tried to walk towards Visoth in all my anger, I kept stumbling... my breath was heavy and the air felt so damp... "one more step" I said to myself, with the intention of smiting this so called angel to smitherens.

I mustered all my strength to try an deliver a fatal blow, and just as I lift my fist to strike him... Darkness. The next thing I knew, i was laying on a soft material familiar material, much like the ones we have in heaven. I slowly opened my eyes, and found myself in complete light, 'What's this i thought to myself?'.
my whole being was submerged in light, i darted my eyes around and there was no shadows, no darkness nothing, but pure light. As I tried to lift my body up to view my surrounding, excruciating pain went throughout my body...I screamed out so loud, it echoed through the air. "GET BACK DOWN" I heard a strange voice say, " You're in no condition to do anything, visoth has done quite a great deal of damage to you..." the voice said.
"I must get back up! I need to help protect Gaz, I'm part of him, I can't be separated..."
"Calm down Estalious!" another voice said,
"Gabriel? is that you?"
"Yes, and your in trouble now, you let anger and murder get into your mind during your second chance!"
thoughts ran through my head, but more than that, regret. I can't go back to being a demon...
"But... you're lucky, The Creator has said, that you may return to your Gaz, as soon as your well again"
I felt relieved, and smiled. Somehow though i was in extreme pain, I felt comfort and peace, I took this time to recover as my small gap of peace throughout the rough storms that i have been.
"Gabriel! can you tell me... how is lizzy?, What did Vis... Visoth... Do..do... to he..er....?" I struggled to ask through the pain in my body.
"look next to you" Gabriel replied pointing next to me.

As I turned my head, *CRACK* I heard something break, My vision became very blured once again, I struggled to even see striaght, as my vision doubled and trippled whilst becoming blurer and blurer, I couldn't make out if she was alright or she was in critical, or was it even her! but in my heart i knew it was her, and just in that moment.*Thud*
*Darkness once again*

__________________

Alright I know it's been a long while, it's probally going to be a reallylong while till i post chapter 10! xD... so like let your imaginations run wild for a while!..

I'll be heading off away for a while...

Ta ta All!

P.S could you sms me ur number n name, coz my old phone died....

The Past Demon

Chapter 8: The Real After Shock

Even though it was so dark, I could continuously hear my fallen brothers mockery, and feel the continuous pain i that ran through my entire body.. I tried to regain my consciousness. But Just as I managed to pull my self up to my feet, I collapsed. The last thing I heard was Dennis laughing at Gaz, saying,"now you know why we call it after shock".

"Gaz... Gaz..."
"huh what happened?"
"Hey Gaz... that was a great night we had"
"who are you? where's Dennis?! "
"I'm Crystal... can't you remember me?"

Confusion was running through Gaz, he had no idea what he did last night...

"I can't remember a thing! All I remember is I picked up a drink called after shock, danced a while.. then.. nothing! "
"Oh Gaz... How can you not remember? we danced.. then we got together to eat some mid night snack.. and you know, you came on to me and you know..."
"know what?"

Crystal slipped out of the bed, her body was slim and slick, her hair was long and brown, her eyes were hazelnut. Everything about her was so voluptuous. Gaz was caught in awe, staring up and down her body, head to toe... Then he snapped!

"Oh SHIT!"
"What's the matter Gaz, love?"
"no way.. I didn't, we didn't" Gaz Panicked, as he slowly looked under the blanket.
"mm hmm" Crystal hummed in a very happy tone.

Gaz slapped himself, and grabbed his head, I felt the frustration running through his head, it was like the mixed feeling or regret, and not knowing what to do, Gaz said to himself, "What have I done.. what have I done, this is terrible!" I couldn't comprehend what he meant, what was so bad about this? and why was it a bad thing? isn't this what humans do?

"Crystal... I cannot do these things.. this is wrong..."Gaz Said looking down in shame.
you could see Crystals face drop, "I see" she said softly..

There was something about her that I couldn't see through, as I watched, I realised she too had an angel guarding her that looked similar to visoth, just, this angel seemed to be molded too have a body just like Crystals... beautiful it was indeed..

as I observed Crystal, her body started to shudder, and that cheerful voice had seemed to disappear, I spotted a tear, dropping from her face, it swiftly cut through the air, and splashed as it hit the floor. She was sniffing, as more tears fell from her downcast face. It brought back the same distinct, sad feeling I had when I was before the creator..

"What's wrong Crystal?" Gaz said softly,
"It's nothing Gaz" She replied as she sniffed,
"I'm sorry, I just drank a little too much last night, Dennis, said it's good stuff, but I didn't expect to end up here, and doing you know what.." Gaz explained
in a quivering voice Crystal said, "I understand..."

As she wiped the tears away, She lifted her head, with a her puffy eyes, she smiled, with the light gleaming off her face. Crystal stretched out her arm, in a gestures humans do, to greet one another.

"Hi I'm Crystal! I'm 18, and you are?" she asked in a cheerful yet, shaky voice.
Gaz smiled, and did the same, connected each others hands and shaking it.
"The name is Gaz, I'm 19, it's a pleasure to meet you Crystal"
Gaz blushed, and turned away. He was shy, and flushed, his heart was starting to beat faster and faster... I cold feel his heart having a very strong connection with this girl, like two polar ends meeting together, the attraction was very strong...

"what the matter Gaz?" Crystal asked, but just as she asked, she looked down and realised she had been standing there naked.
"oh oh!"
Her face turned red like a cherry, she rushed to get her garments, and rushed into the toilet... what a beauty, I thought to myself, I still couldn't understand what Gaz had done, that was so bad..

I turned to Visoth, and asked him what happened last night, but he did not speak to me, instead, he spat in my face and shouted,

"you demons are so useless!"
"What? what did I do wrong, I was being slaughtered by the others"
"That's exactly what you did wrong, you should've been fighting your brothers long before any of this could happen! but you just stood there, like a freaking pillar of salt!"
"Hey now Visoth, chill down with the insults... I didn't realise my brothers were around..."
"OR MAYBE, ESTAILOUS, YOU DID REALISE, AND YOU WANTED THIS TO HAPPEN! You No Winged Fool!"
"What did you call me? you have no right to insult me, more over NO RIGHT TO SAY I cooperated with any of them! you yourself saw how I was beaten up!"
"Could've been an act.. you are just a demon like the rest, i don't get how the creator could trust you, Maybe I should rid of you myself!" He pulled out his blade, and threw himself toward me, I barley dodged the attack, which left me with a small thin lined wound... As the blood was slowly leaking, Visoth lunged forward for another attack, once again I dodged it. "Stop it Visoth! I refuse to fight!" With his burning eyes, He took another swipe at me. I jumped in the air and somersaulted backwards, evading his attack once again.

"Look visoth you need to stop and get a grip of yourself! you're a well seasoned Guardian An...."
"Gotchya!" I thought I'd never feel the pain once again, as the blood fell from my wing... the excruciating pain travelled through my body.. I could see and sense the anger Visoth had towards me, I looked down in defeat.
"Do what you must..."
Visoth pulled the sword out and lifted his arm above his head, ready to finish me off, but just as that happened, I heard a strange sound *ping* "some one had blocked his attack?" I thought to myself.
"You must stop this visoth, The Creator placed you as a guardian angel, and gave Esatlious a second chance, not so you could kill him, and disobey our order!"
"Stay out of this Lizzy..."
"Drop it visoth! don't make me use my paralytic bullet to put you down!"
Visoth, looked disappointed, and retracted his sword. Turned around, and walked back to Gaz's side.
"Thanks " I said, in a faint voice of relief.
"Don't mention it, not that I like you demons, just, I'm sure the creator gave you a special purpose in life" She replied...

As I turned my head to look at her, I was struck with awe, there she was a beauty to behold, it was Crystals guardian angel. Her face was pure white, and her cheeks had a crimson red blushes, her eyes, were big, and purple, with long eye lashes, her wings were in perfect condition, they shaped like a diamond, and shone like the holiness of the Creator...

"Are you alright?" she asked
I shook my head to come back to myself, "Yea I am, thanks"
She turned and walked back to Crystal in the toilet...

I returned to Gaz, and layed in his body once again...
"Estalious..." Visoth said in a low toned voice,
"yesterday, was a bad day, Gaz lost his purity seal..."
"What do you mean..?" I replied..
"it's exactly what I mean, But not only did he lose it, He made Crystal lose it too.."
I looked down, I felt like a failure, and understood why Visoth was so angry at me.
"You know Estalious, this failure is unacceptable" He said, with a sigh.
"What will become of Gaz now, He broke the law of the creator..?"
"Nothing bad will come to him, but he has opened a door, I tried to keep sealed tight as possible... this will be an easy path for your fallen brothers to get to"

"Guys! HELP!" there was a scream from the toilet, Visoth rushed to the toilet,
"Stay put Estalious, STAY PUT!" He Commanded me.
I heard many shouting and screaming, I heard the sound of my fallen brother, laughing as the were fighting, like psychopaths...

Lizzy flew backwards out of the toilet smashing against another neon wall, much like the one I did in the club... as she fell towards the ground, I felt useless, I wanted to help, but I knew if I left Gaz here, He would be in much trouble...

"GAZ! GAZ!!!" I screamed trying to get him up, But to no avail.. then I saw my fallen brethren thrown themselves onto lizzy, I could not take any more of their unrighteousness, I screamed Gaz's name once again. A thought suddenly came through to his mind, I realised he has some how heard me, so I kept telling him to go to the toilet, some how or another, I felt some sort of connection with Gaz, in thoughts and speech, for the first time, yet I knew Gaz couldn't hear me, just feel what I was saying.

"Crystal! Crystal! you ok in there" Gaz shouted..
There was no reply, it was just all dead silence to Gaz, quickly he jumped out of the bed, and rushed towards the toilet. as he approach the toilet, I reached out and grabbed Lizzy from the my fallen brethren, They hissed at me, calling me the double traitor, the outcast beyond all..

"Crystal!" Gaz said in shock, She seemed motionless on the floor, Gaz picked her up and quickly rushed towards the bed and laid her down, rummaging through his cloths on the floor, he found his trousers, and quickly called 999...

just as he did this my Fallen brethren disappeared, snickering... Lizzy also laid unconscious, as I was holding her.
"Pass her here Estalious..." Visoth said,
as I gently passed her to him, He vanished, for a moment and returned in another second..

"What did you do to her?!" I asked in despair
Visoth grinned..
"Why you little!" I threw a punch towards him and he grabbed it, throwing me across the room on to the floor, I heard my wing crack.
"You demons are all a like.. despisable.. and pathetic.."

----
This is the End of Chapter 8! , seems like I got lots of votes :P 2 people not gonna read it haha! 2 think it's boring :( 2 think its interesting! 3 average..

The Past Demon

Chapter 7: Is this for real?!

Since the day of the battle, where the strange fiery darts flew pass, many things has happened, but thankfully nothing bad has come to pass. It's been several years since that battle, and Gaz was now growing in size, strange thing these humans are, able to grow taller and larger by each passing day, and the giants, that were once around us, now seemed to be the same size as us...

Gaz was unique in his look, no angel or human have I ever seen have such mystical and charming features, he grew up to be half a head taller than most people, with broad shoulders, his body was slim, but not as a girl, but like the creators, not what humans, called "skin and bones" but instead fit and perfect. His hair was slightly wavy, brownish black, that grew up to shoulder length. His skin, was as smooth as a emerald crystal surface, and glistened like a polished crystal, it was not dark, nor was it pale, but it was fair. But the most distinct, and unique feature of Gaz was his pearly grey eyes, like one of a wolf's fur. It mesmerized even the fallen ones.

Gaz was one who prayed daily to the Creator, he danced and worshiped him before the alter,and even gained some latent power, through the favour of His most High. But these powers were still hidden from Gaz. The creator forbid me to see the powers He had placed in him, but instead told me, that I would need to live on with the boy, and find it out step by step, as the boy did.

Time passed and still I saw nothing of the power that was given to him, neither did it seem that Gaz was aware that he had been given some power from the creator. It has already been nineteen years since the day, I was given this chance of repentance and I've learned much about humans, yet, they never seize to suprise me.It seems Visoth was right and I was wrong, humans didn't live a life of play, but instead it has been a mixture or work and play.

Now, it came a time where Gaz had to go to this place which humans call, university. I never understood why humans go to these places, to be honest, I think it's all nonsense, They should just listen to the creator... But it seems that they too, like me, have fallen. Only Difference is, the creator loved them so much, He gave them a redeeming sacrifice. Something I always envy, the death of the lion...

"Hey, what's you're name?" Gaz asked some other human, in the class.
"I'm Dennis! and you?" the other boy replied.
"The names Gaz, pleased to meet you!" Gaz said cheerfully.

Dennis, was quite a small person, he was thin, and had short spiky, blond hair. His face was somewhat roundish and his cheeks were Rosy red, he was slightly tanned, and had big, blue eyes... But something about him seemed a miss to me, I felt the strong presence of my fallen brothers surrounding him, never the less, he seemed to be a very cheerful and happy person. Unlike Gaz, he had no guardian angel. Come to think about it, I have noticed that there are many people in this world, walking around without a guardian angel. I asked Visoth about this, but each time the topic was brought up to him, it fell on deaf ears.

Eventually, Gaz and Dennis became the best of friends. Every time, Gaz came near to Dennis, I was happy, the feeling brought much joy to Gaz, and of course in turn, this happiness traveled into my body... The feeling of the heart, pumping faster, and tingly sensations traveling through to the wings, making me feel as if I could soar the skies again...

However, as each day passed, I felt less and less comfortable, though the feeling of joy was there, I felt some heavy burden on my own self, it was like chains started to bound me, and I was unable to move, walls enclosed around me, constraining me, and sheer pressure came crushing down on my head... I knew something was wrong, something was being changing, it wasn't like any other feeling I felt before. The burden got heavier each time, Gaz saw Dennis...

"Hey Gaz, This is what we call a club, We can find all the hottest chicks here"
"You sure about that Dennis? the music is so loud, and I feel really shy around all these girls"
"Don't worry about it Gaz, let me show you the pleasure of life, drink this... it's called After shock"
"You sure this stuff is safe to drink man?"
"Just do it, it'll help you to relax, trust me man! I've been so good to you these past months, don't tell me you can't trust me now?"

I could feel that Gaz felt uncomfortable, he shifted his body in uneasiness, thoughts ran through his head, like, "He's right he's my best buddy, and he's been taking me out and taking care of me a lot recently", "But this is not right, this drink smells weird", "Should I should I not! What should I do!"... I screamed to Gaz, "Why don't you just ask the creator! since He's so close to you!!!" But Obviously he couldn't hear me... He never could.

"Alright Dennis I'll trust you on this one"
Gaz picked up the drink, just before he put it onto his lips, I saw a fallen brother.. in fact, I saw more than a fallen brother, I saw a huge group of them inside the club, this is bad I thought to myself... it didn't strike me at first, but Visoth was missing, I looked around and I could see him fighting off five other fallen brothers... The burden I felt earlier had seemed to become so heavy that I fell to my knees... Then all a sudden..

* Gulp*

I could see double, and my vision became slightly distorted.. "What is this??" I thought to myself... suddenly I was surrounded by my Fallen brothers, the next thing I heard were giggles of girls, and a huge group of deep voiced people laughing...

"Estalious! doesn't this feel great...?"
"Who are you?" as I struggled to keep my focus, but at no avail, I could only see a wavy water like image of the person speaking
"Why don't you come back to us?" I heard another speaking
"Yea, we've found a great sense of fun and joy, these humans are just like toys, their so easy to deceive.."
"No..." I said, with a very weak voice..
"I will never come back to you all..."
"fine by us!!" I was suddenly struck on the side... the pain was excruciating, I knew these were my fallen brothers, they pushed me around, and the music got louder, I felt useless..

"Estalious! GET A HOLD OF YOUR SELF! you need to help me..." I heard a voice say, as I was hit towards the floor then thrown across the room...
"Estalious!!!" It was Visoth!

I tried to pick myself up.. But the drink that Gaz took, had rendered me useless, I couldn't focus right..and the burden was still there. My Fallen brothers, continuously mocked me, and battered me... They smashed me into this strange neon glowing wall.. My vision became more blurred, then suddenly.. darkness...

"No! ESTALIOUSsssss!!!"

------

As promised.. Chapter 7 delivered to your door step... hope you all are loving this story, maybe you could comment to give me some ideas for chapter 8! :) Thanks for voting my friends~! keep the votes coming~!

The Past Demon

Chapter 6: Strange Sensations

Time passed, regardless of what Visoth said, I still thought my theory of all play was correct, Gaz didn't seem to do anything productive in my point of view, everyday he'd build blocks of different colours and make something that reassembles a small cube, and played with these yellow coloured humans. Though i thought that this was such a pointless life. Though, strangely enough, doing all these foolish things actually brought a great sense of comfort to me.I suppose these were human emotions, I felt somewhat happiness and joy, i couldn't express this feeling i felt from this boy, Gaz..

It was like, your heart pumped faster, and the blood rushed throughout your body, giving you this great sense of happiness, and it starts to become more and more joyous as time goes by, till you wished it never ended. I suppose I could compare it to the time I used to dance and sing and play before the creator, where everything was bliss and good.

But that time was long past, if this was all there was to human life, I can say I don't have a clue what the creator meant by it's not going to be easy, because, it feels like life's going to be a breeze!

However, I was proven wrong, I felt the presence of my fallen brothers grow stronger, as time came to pass, the familiar ravaging sense, for chaos and disorder became more and more distinct, I could sense how much more corrupt they have become since the fall, and the stench of the evil aura coming from them was strong, so strong that one could even smell it from a mile away.

*clinggg* the familiar sound, that I thought I'd never hear again, a sound of an angel blade meeting with another blade, it was the sound of warfare! as I looked around, I saw nothing, but the sound was so loud and distinct that it felt as if it was right next to me. Suddenly I heard a great cry of strength.
"ARGHH!", at first I couldn't quite decipher the voice i had heard heard, But as more blades started to clash with one another, I had figured out who it was that was screaming earlier, it was visoth! This meant only one thing, that my fallen brothers have arrived and I was very sure they were not here to say hello to me.

The sound of blades clashing among one another continued for hours, yet during this time, it seemed as if Gaz was in complete peace, he was sleeping in his mothers arms so peacefully. I was thinking to myself, these humans are crazy! how can they sleep in such a crazed and outrageous sound of war! then it dawned upon me. If they can't see me, it's most likely they can't hear me too, thus this war was only for us angels to hear, how blessed the humans are, I thought to myself.

*swoosh* suddenly a fiery dart flew across the room, "what was this?" I thought to myself. I read the inscriptions on the dart, it read out, brokenness, lust, death, murder, cheating, chaos. Then in the next second, 5 more darts flew pass, just missing Gaz by a millimeter, I knew I could not let these darts reach Gaz or else his life might be in jeopardy, I decided to take out my weapon to deflect the darts from touching Gaz, I remembered clearly what the Creator told me, and I wasn't keen in failing Him two times in a row!

"Gotchya!" I shouted as I hit the last dart away from Gaz, I was pretty proud of myself, I have successfully parried all the darts that were set out to destroy Gaz's life.
"Hahaha bring it on! nothing is going pass me" I said cheerfully.
But just as I said that, I heard a snicker, and a voice which sounded so coarse and demented say," You haven't won any battle Estalious! double traitor, first to the creator now to our Master!The great deceiver.."
"Who are you?!" I demanded,
The voice faded into the dark, snickering...
As I turned around I understood what he meant by I haven't won the battle, the darts were all across the room, and one of them managed to hit the leg of Gaz's mother...
What doom was in front? I had no idea what power these new and very strange darts held, but I knew nothing good would come out of it...

Inscribed into the dart was"Sickness, Death, hurt, pain.." I couldn't imagine what the future held for Gaz and his mother...

----
End of chapter 6 peeps! :) hope you're all enjoying this! going to continue to chapter 7 hopefully before the end of this week!

The Past Demon

Chapter 5: Realization

"You're not in the place of torment" said a voice in the distance.
"Who are you?" I asked him
"I am Visoth, the guardian angel of this child"
"If I am not in a place of torment, why must I continuously be bonded?"
"This is the process of birth, Estalious, I was told that you would come into the earth again today, you have been missing for over five thousand years."

I couldn't believe what I heard, five thousand years, passing like a blink of an eye, truly the creator is most gracious, all this time I had a strange feeling, that he was punishing me for my impatience by putting my hand onto the scroll. But I didn't know what was going to happen, I knew nothing about the human body. All I know is that I am in one, what will this journey be like? and what was going to happen next? The thought of living on earth was bad enough, it brought a shudder through my wings.

I then heard a strange voice, not angel like, it was soft and sweet, along with a very deep and powerful voice, they spoke of a name, to give their child. It made me ponder, did they know I was in here? or would I be so insignificant, that no one in this world would take notice of me...

Finally after 1 hour, "We'll call him, Gaz!"
Gaz? what kind of name is that I thought to myself! I would have given this magnificent body a more majestic name, such as Darlicka, or Verlisotious! But Gaz?... But I wasn't in my power to change anything...

As time past, I could tell Gaz had no idea I was living in him, I came to a conclusion that humans are just all about games and playing, that's all they ever did play play eat eat, I felt like these humans had no purpose in this life! But there was one strange emotion they had, the feeling was as if the creator himself had given you the most secure embrace in the world, it was a warm feeling, that would make a heart beat faster and slower at the same time, It brought much comfort to the soul... I had no idea what it was, but the feeling was one that drew both me and Gaz to love these strange giant beings.

"Estalious, Estalious... DO you really think human life is this simple?" asked Visoth,
"This is the first stage, I have been with over three thousand humans, being a guardian for each, their motives and their pains, what they go through...is very different. I'll tell you this, what you experience now, will be very different in years to come, don't think that this life is all about games, don't be so naive or you might just end up failing, your demon comrades, are just one of the challenges in this life, be prepared, for the biggest battles in your entire life!"Visoth's face was very vicious, and serious when he was saying all these things, you could see the righteous fire that burned through his eyes, his wings were hardened like armour, and I could sense a slight amount of holy wrath in his speech..

from that day on, I knew this was just the peace before the storm...

------

hehe sorry chapter 5 is really short, but this is what I will put for realization, next chapter is gonna come out in a while i think haha please remind me not to abandon the story if you like it! Chapter 6: Strange sensations..

The Past Demon

Chapter 4: The Birth

"What's this? have I fallen into the dark pit of torment? but it doesn't feel cold.. it feels very warm. Where am I?" I asked myself.

I was scared, yet I was in complete comfort, I had no idea where I was, but I most certainly knew it wasn't a place of torment. I could feel the warmth of some sort of jelly like material surrounding me, I felt like I was in some sort of protective bubble... the gel like liquid caressed my skin gently. It felt like an embrace that none could express, all one could feel is safe and comfortable..

Day after day, I was stuck in this jelly type of substance.. I could feel some strange mushy things entering into my abdominal part of my body.. It was a strange sensation. But very satisfying.. Then it dawned on me, perhaps I am bound and trapped in a dark place quickly, I asked this body I was in to start kicking to escape.. frantically it was kicking.. but in no avail, the jelly type substance had over powered us. Eventually I just gave up, and told myself, if this is the darkness it's not that bad, took time to enjoy it.

*SNAP* I felt something snap off... the jelly became like quick sand, sucking this body further and further down, I felt the pain the body felt, the sudden feeling of lack of air, it was strange, then we were sucked out until there was some light... the light was shinning through a very small hole, in all my hope I told the body, you gotta survive this, to get to the light, the thing that I have missed the most! squeezing out and enduring the pain and joy at the same time, the head of this body popped out...

I could feel the cool air swiftly blowing over the head, and i could see light for the first time in a very long dark period. Suddenly something grabbed my head, the grasp was so strong, that I couldn't shake it off, with my body still stuck in the warm jelly like place, I felt like I was paralyzed.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH" a loud scream could be heard, and at last I was free from the bondage! The cold air took it's tol on me when my body started to shiver, the bosy started to cry, in the most unworthy manner, screaming and crying. But I could understand how it felt. Being so cold and all.

But Just as I thought we were free, Bam! we were tied in bondage again, this time it felt like the wings of an angel, wrapping over your entire body, I thought to myself.. Maybe this is the place of torment! I tried to help this body escape from our entanglement, but with no avail. powerless, I felt, the body grow weak.. and weaker, and then, darkness once again, the Body has collapsed of exhaused and somehow shut down... I was afraid, I thought I have failed to protect. Worste of all, I didn't know what the creator would do to me..

I felt like I've failed 2 times, and there was a worst punishment waiting for me. I felt much grief and sadness,
"Estallious..." a voice said in a distance.
"Estallious!"
how could someone on earth know my name? what is this strange voice...

-----------------------
Hehe thsi is the end of Chapter 4, Stay tuned for Chapter 5! hope you are all enjoying the story! do vote in the poll!!! :)

The Past Demon

Chapter 3: The Redemption

"The Creator cannot forgive you for such acts!" exclaimed the reader of verdicts,
then there was a pause. It felt like eternity, I couldn't believe what I heard, but I knew it was coming my way. I couldn't control the tears running from my eyes down my cheeks to the floor. But clinging on to hope, I kept my head bowed... every split second felt like an hour. Thoughts ran through my head, and I started to condemn myself for what foolish acts I have done.

"However... The Creator, being as Good and righteous as He is, in love and kindness, He has given you one way out, this way will not be an easy way. Especially for the likes of a demon, You must keep yourself as pure as possible till the coming time." A sense of relief came across me, it was as if a huge burden had been released from my chest, my emotions were mixed, but I was glad to hear that there was another way to earn my redemption.

"There will be a child born in the near future, on earth, and that child you must defend and live with, I will appoint a guardian angel over him, and you yourself will be within him. He will be a follower of mine, and go through much humanly suffering, which no supernatural being has felt. But under no circumstances must you corrupt him, but instead you must defend him, against the fallen brothers you once held high regards for, including the deceiver. Should you accept this, you should know that the journey will be tough, and you will feel everything he feels, sadness, hurt, anger, love, peace.. and other emotions.. Should you fail, your punishment will be greater than any of those who have turned against the Creator during the hectic war."
As he closed the scroll, my heart was throbbing, to have to live on this planet earth, was torturous enough, but to live in a human.. ones that my brothers torment down on earth. But if this was the only way to return to my Lord, I was willing to go through the torment and pains that is installed.

As I lifted my head, I shouted, "Yes, yes LORD! I will do as you have said. I will accept this contract! I have regretted my actions that have harmed the heavens, But you most awesome and magnificent one, have given me a second chance, I will not fail!"

"Very Well Estalious, you must sign this scroll... and your journey will begin" holding up the scroll, the creator pointed to a part of the scroll which distinctively had a shape of my hand. It was as if He knew I would sign it and specially customized the contract to me. I had no idea what life would be like, once I signed this, would I lose my wings? where would I end up? who would I be with? what kind of person would this be?... But I knew I had to do it..

My Hand felt heavy, as if some one was holding it down tight, but using all my will power, I started to lift it up.. my hand was nearing the scroll, in just less than a second everything would change, I knew I wouldn't see this place for a very long time..

" STOP!!!" a large bang was heard in the courts...There stood Stalious, he was large and strong and I could sense the amount of hatred he had towards us demons..

"How could you let this low life get a second chance my Lord?! can you not remember how much torment they brought? what if they were to do the same but as a human! wouldn't it be worst?"

"Do you question my judgment Stalious? I have made this decision and I know what will be of him, trust what I do, lest you stray afar like the Deceiver"

At that point, I could not stand it, I quickly pushed my hand into the scroll and in a sudden blink of an eye, I was cast into a bright light, swrilling down, further and faster.. I felt like i was falling.. and I did not know where I would end up...

Then suddenly darkness.

----
Stay tuned for Chapter 4 :) ^^ hope you're all enjoying this story

The Past Demon

Chapter 2: The Repentance

"HALT!!" a sudden swoosh of various kinds of angel blades surrounded me.
"What brings you here traitor? demon.." Said Angelous, the guardsangel of God's kingdom...
"I have come to ask for forgiveness.. and repentance" I knew at any moment, I could be bounded in chains and thrown into the most hideous and dark place... where only torment lives... yet I stood as tall and strong as I could before the many blades.

Angelous grinned, he stood tall and proud, you could see righteousness shinning out of him, yet.. the grin gave me a distinct discomfort.. unlike Angelous, I have been stripped of my righteous feathers.. I was bare, barren, and naked... my wings were but of flesh... red and scorned by the punishment of the creator.. for all who betrayed him.

"Wait here... demon" Angelous walked off into the courts of the creator. What was held for me ahead was uncertainty, and fear went through my body.. as I shuddered at the thought of what could become of me. I felt a cold feeling travelling down my spine and slowly spreading to other parts of my body, I told myself, I must stay strong, I must be honest, I must show the creator how much I regret the actions I took against him in a very hectic battle.

It felt like eternity before Angelous returned, as he approached he looked frustrated and angry, but as all angels, he kept his majestic look, and the light that shone from the creator was shinning off him, almost blinding to me... what used to be perfect beauty in my eyes.
" The Creator says you may enter!" Angelous said with a somewhat frustrated voice.

As I walked into the court room, there were Elders sitting on seats, surrounding the area, with the creator in the judge seat, with his lamb next to him. I felt like I was in a coliseum, Never did I ever think in my entire life I would be in this place, I've always wondered why there was a court and so today, I have found out why.

"Estalious! You are brave to come back here after the treacherous war crimes you have committed in Heaven it self!" The thunderous voice of the creator said.

"Why have you returned? Do you not know what you have done cannot be reversed, you took the wrong path and there is no forgiveness for such act that you have done! Many brothers suffer because of your act! Explain to all of us why you have returned? do you do the same as your leader? to accuse those down on earth?"

"No, My Lord, I have come to beg for forgiveness..." I replied with a trembling voice
"I am truly regretful for what I did, I was deceived by the darkness, confused, and I truly really want to repent! I cannot live with out you my Lord!" I cried out before everyone.
With my head facing to the floor, not knowing what was coming next, I feared the judgement of the Creator, for I know our kind does not deserve such forgiveness, nor were we made to have forgiveness. After the corrupt things we have done.

" I cannot forgive you for your actions! you know that far better than anyone else here Estalious! many of your kind has come to this court room begging for forgiveness, but all know I cannot give. But in their hearts I know they truly do not really repent, but all they want to do is get out of the planet earth, as it seems tormenting to them. But they have played with my creations, and took pleasure in what I see as evil, so what makes you so much different Estalious?" You could hear many whispering in the court rooms, some even said, it's just another accuser of our brethren, some said he's a spy.. But I myself, knew deep in my heart.. I needed the creator.. I kept my head bowed down to the floor.. and cried, which no angel has done before for sadness, but only for joy.

"My Lord, if you would give me a chance, I will do anything to redeem myself, I truly wish not to be a demon, I would like to be by your side again. Yes, it is true I cannot stand the thought of being in the planet earth, but even if I had to stay there and resist to earn my salvation, then so be it!" I pleaded to the Creator.

What Happened next, was either the worst thing in my life, or the best. Who could decide, and who could really predict what was the Creator Himself thinking, as he turned to the Lamb, whom we called the lion. The decision was made, but nothing was spoken yet... You could hear people around the court, murmuring, wondering what the decision was.. I put my face to the ground again.. and stayed in that position, till the verdict was spoken, for only when it is spoken.. will it be executed.

"Estalious!"...

------
Stay tuned for Chapter 3... :) If you enjoy it or hate it.. please vote in the poll :)

The Past demon

Chapter 1: The War

"We're losing the battle!" Screamed an angel... "fall back fall back!" you could hear the rushing of angels pass throughout heaven.. one third, of the angels fled to their last stronghold in heaven..
"I knew we shouldn't of listened to him.. how could we defeat the creator?"
"Shut up and wipe that attitude away or else we'll lose for sure!, no one knows the creator better than him!"

That was the day Our leader.. lost the war.. in all our misery, we were kicked out of the most pleasurable place in the universe.. to an undoubtedly strange, world, The creator named, Earth.

It was tough.... There was no pleasurable experiences for us who have experienced heaven on earth. I felt a deep remorse in my heart. After just one day of living on this earth.. I decided, to try my luck in the courts of God. I wanted to repent, to ask for forgiveness.. for my foolish act. How could I ever go against the Almighty one? How could me perceptions be changed so easily? I was defiantly not made to live in this place called earth.

My Decision was clear in my mind, My Heart throbbed with a beat of that a meteorite colliding... As I flew slowly and nervously towards the courts of Forgiveness.. many thoughts ran through my head.. I had no idea what was installed for me...


---------------------------------------
Stay tuned for Chapter 2... hope I can finish this story.. lol...

Things Change...

Sometimes...
We wonder....
other times..
We think too much..
But when it happens..
We think even more!

But no matter what happens in life..
Try to be the best for the one you love...
Try to be the best because God loves you...
And don't worry when you fail...
God will defiantly..
Most Certainly..
See you...
As...
Perfect! :)

Crazieness

bleh I don't know I don't know what to dooooo... I love kelz, God loves me, God loves us, God loves her, I love God, let's go go go.. I wonder if kelz remembers to read that white book I got her! I hope soooooo REMEMBER Dear.. please remember~!! currently I am in work.. nothing much happening see lots of people being stressed.. wonder if any projects gonna come in ahhhh!!!! I want kelz to cook something for me :P mwhahaha I wanna try her fish with soy sauce... personally the only fish i know how to cook is fish fingers! COZ U FRY IT LOL...

I miss her...I miss her...I miss her...I miss my dear...I miss kelz...I miss her...

Can't really express...

But I'll try to.. :)

have you ever felt you were so in love.. that your heart has drawn into some one so deep?
have you ever felt so in love, that you have become blind even when everyone can see the wrong?
have you felt so in love, that you see more good in someone than bad?

I can't express how much I love my dear... I want her to know, she's my love, the one I want the one I just love so much!

I wish sometimes I can hold her in my arms forever,
If the sky is just the limit, then it's definatly too small to show how much I love her..

Dear.. You are some one whome God put in my life, some one who is reall treasured not only by God but myself too!

I cannot express how much I love you, If there were only black and white in this world, you would be the rainbow, because even when I feel this world becomes black and white, you always look colourful to me..

my love isn't shallow, but it's really there. you might think others don't think much of you,
But I think a lot of you, you are specail, you are beautiful no matter what!

I just simply love Ms. Kaylee :) I do!

-Chris

:) :@ :|

Lol... EMO- icons.. haha.. funny name.. It came across to me, that I have never heard of this word *emo* before.. until last year..

I am not emo Mwahahha! But I do cloud peoples judgements about my feelings, just so you can't pin point my real feelings.. because it's ugly :))..

Bllahhhhhhh The truth is, I want to be more in your life.. and I need to trust others too.. But But!!! if one doesn't trust me, I can't be possible feeling comfortable haha..

I got a sorethroat.. I got to do this and that,... I have to be everywhere I have errands.. I wanted ..

lololololololoololl

If..

Dunno what title.. so I'll just be random..

If I knew, I dunno, I know.. but I can't know.. But why must I know.. Who makes me know, but know and hurt.. seems like somethings up with my emotions at times, and thier accurate, but hold no meaning tilll i find out the meaning then I realise the meaning then I don't feel much better but weirder.. haha this post is totally random!

Haunting ghosts :O

He he.. guess thats how I feel, whats been put into the title, but I'm really glad I have managed to complete some work in the office the relief and happiness was AMAZING!

I've also decided to keep some things at heart, until I have cleared it from my mind.. But I'm really glad I spoke to bro Kelvin, he really uplifted me, and brought me to see another perspective of things, a less selfish one i suppose :).

Feel so much freer now I have finished the task at hand.. hehe Thank God!

""Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Do not be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you until all the work for the service of the temple of the LORD is finished."

I Read this verse the other day, really encouraged me! :)

I wanna give thanks To God who sent great friend to help me, and guided me when there was no one, and comforted me.. and always thank Him for bringing my dear to me, Amen!

::Life has so many unexpectedness::

Crashing

"welcome to the world of slaves"-Ernest

Why's everything crashing down on me, feel life kicking me in the arse so badly.. I dunno what to say..
oh heart of mine.. why is there many spears going through you?
oh heart of mine.. you have been broken so many time.. the crack lines u patched up are becoming more obvious..

I feel like a crab.. stuck in a glass container.. just as I am about to escape.. I am pulled back down..
I wished for so many things.. but I dunno if they will ever come true..

oh Heart of mine...why must you cry? be comforted...
OH HEart of mine.. why do you anger...

I feel 1000 spears on my back.. and one in my heart..
But this is good a brother told me.. but as it sinks deeper.. I feel I am dying..

Oh Heart of mine.. turn to God please.. only He can heal I know..
Oh Heart of mine... please.. don't give up

I saw.. it all crumble before me.. my life, my pride, my love...
I saw it all fall and crash.. my everything.. I only have God left..

Oh Heart of mine.. Cheer God restores
Oh Heart of mine... I can feel you being tortured..

Welcome to the world of slaves.. I was once told..
am I a slave? or a free...

-Chris

Life

I've come to realize what a boring person I am.. I mean I don't like clubbing.. I am somewhat controlling(learning to stop being controlling). I want to go to karaoke.. but never really had a chance to sing english songs with mates.. I used to have this friend in msia hang out a lot.. man.. I miss him so much now i think of it.. sounds so gay.. LOL!

things I like:
God
arcade
adventure
quiet/noisy walk in the part..
Kelz
swimming at times
Badminton (real long time no play)

Things I dislike:
clubbing, not really dislike la.. just, I got no one to go with.. and sometimes 'dancing' with girls might just get out of hand if you know what i mean

2 faced friends...- or shall I say I'll classify them under, enemies multiplying kisses.. they will initially be very good to you, the just pull a slip and try to kill you.. or at least make your life miserable

my heart - recently my heart has felt lots of different emotions and responded! thumping damn hard.. I also dislike certain thoughts of mine..

The Devil.. who doesn't? :P


Recent thoughts:
Suicide,
Suicide... useless,
why's everything falling apart,
who's disrespecting me by...,
I have no life,
life's boring,
computer games become so dull,
I don't like _____ clubbing, Don't control!,
let go..
hurt,
hurt,
hurt..
Thank God..
Should see the big fruits not problems...
work..
pain..
hurt...
sad..
suicide..
Why God doesn't let me go?
Thank God for his faithfulness..


haha waiting for this roller coast to stop! Grrr... eh.. or have i forgto to put my safety harness on! :O

-Chris

Back to work

After my long forced leave.. I am back at work.. haha.. I've just realise there is so much to consider before you implement a project.. and being defined as a "Consultant" I think I need to know all these things...

No.1, How many users are going to be in the system.
No.2, What type of O.S is being used
No.3, What is the DB being used
No.4, How Big is the DB
No.5, What are the minimum specs in accordance to ECC6, OS and the DB.. all needs to be taken into consideration
No.6, What components are actually needed?
and others I can't think of now..

epps maybe network needs to be taken into consideration too!! I think I have lots of reading about planning a system... rather than installing.. Preparation is the first step to sucess!

alright.. a boring post to many.. but maybe william would like this post :P

Good Friday

If I could see the World, in all it's glory,
I would see God in all His works.

What would this world give to God?
They believe nothing of Him at times, but flee to Him in trouble..

Yet the most amazing part of God is,
He never rejects them...

So what about this friday? and what makes it a good one?
who cares in all, why do people go to church? do they hunger for the word?
is there more to life than this? to sit and do nothing but work,
to go out to worthless parties.. and waste life as time goes..

Of course there is! If you know what's so good about this friday.. then you would realise....
That there was one man, one purpose, one reason...
He died today, on which we call Good friday,
and for that very reason it was Good..

Yes this man is Jesus, many may mock and say, haha It's good he died,
His tyranny and blasphemy has no longer no reign,
It was the same in the past as it is in the present,
people still mock, even tho they have saw.

like trying to disprove the existance of wind,
they find erronous reasons, on why it was not true.
Yet as many of us can refute and deny that God exists,
many can say Jesus did exist..

Yet even though so many people mock God..
And sees him nothing but an illusion of the human mind...
He gives grace.. and time for them to repent,
He wants them to turn back to Him.
And His love.. so amazing, that even tho till today we can still mock and spit at Him,
He still holds on and believes, even the worst can turn back to Him.

Who am I to judge?
But I believe God loves this world..
He loves the people..
and I believe, if He could just get everyone of them back to Him He would..
But we are stubborn..
and our hearts harden...

Yet.. He loves us...
Because, He is love...
The end is near, is not for those who do not believe to come to believe..
But is for those who believe, to rejoice, and have an urgency to spread the Good news..

If I could see the world in all it's Glory,
it would be worth nothing, to just turn my eyes upon God,
To realise His love for us,
That, while we were still sinners, murders... adulterers... whilst we still spat in His face.. and mocked Him for who He was... He died for us... Whipped.. tortured.. and forced to take the cross to the mount.. to the point of collapse.. He died.. and when He was risen up... He could still say, "Father Forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing"

I have no idea, who would say such a thing, to forgive, those that are killing them..
But I only know Jesus did, and He loved each of them.. to the point of death..
and today, is Good friday, the Day Christ took the world's sin, into His own body...
Just for you.

So all those who do not believe, God still loves you and it's never too late till the end,
For those who believe but are not yet a brother or sister, realise what He did for you, and that you are still loved by Him.
And For those who are family, Remember what He did today, and rejoice! for salvation was given to this lost world..

God bless,
Chris

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties.

hmm.. sounds like I am a general... lol! or a judge =/

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

yea... i guess this is true

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

hmm.. not really lol!

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates.

haha sound so player..=p

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own.

yea... practical learning is my field of expertize.

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.

yeap... but not mundane.. keep searching for the right thing in life and improve!

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

haha... that's coz I got God!

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear.

well.. yea la, who wants people to judge you from what u wear la! last time I tried hard.. this time I just be myself xD

Who is your true self:

You are full of energy and confidence. You are unpredictable, with moods changing as quickly as an ocean. You might occasionally be calm and still, but never for long.

PMS! :O OMGoodness... hehe.. well I dunno about this, think people close to me will know better!

First real drink

Well had a blast yesterday, after work got to see my kelz kelz~woahh nice! hehe.. hen went out with my pet sis~ first time I ever really finished a drink! as in a drink drink, wasn't too bad quite interessting, had barcadi! nice rum...interesting how it evaporates in your mouth! Better than beer most definatly! My pet sis ahaha I think sis in Christ sounds better, said she'll be my drinking partner.. once every fortnightly! xD cool.. try new stuffs..

Swiftly & surely

I believe love of 2 imperfect beings is possible :) that's why we have grand parents, and parents =).. there will be much fiction, but the heat produced will keep one another warm eventually. I don't believe love is demanding, but it requires a 2 way flow.

I've come to realise, with the phrase "behind every successful man there is a woman"is actually quite correct, as let's assume you're married, you're wife will be the encourager or destroyer in you're life.. some what or a rather.. if she pushes you or holds you a little, you might be able to muster more strength to work.. to succeed in life, you feel more responsible and with that hint of love she'll get you through it all...

On the other hand, if she keeps nagging, keeps killing your dreams, keeps putting you down, ignores you or worst even make you go through "hell on earth" you're work might not be able to reach the maximum capacity.. and not only will you stress out in work, but you will stress out at home, a combined stress that has a possibility of killing you.

I know myself, if a person loves me, they must love me for who i am, and respect me for who I am and not for who they want me to be, simply because I am not a toy.. but a human who has been through 22 years of life changing experiences, which can't just change overnight.

But I must say I am not an easy person to love, as I seek for more and more love.. trust me the person who loves me will know~ hehe...

people say be careful what you wish for, and I totally agree.. if you regret it, you've forced it on yourself.. you can't blame others, but fortunately for you, God is able to turn things around... if you don't believe in God, well I can;t say much :)..

Any how, I'm just let my thoughts run. to agree or to disagree is you're choice =)

God bless ya all,

-Chris
::life can be torturous.. and people will always try to ask you to do things, that you can't but for love.. you can go through the pain.. just because of love..::

Why?

As tears swiftly fill up ones eyes.. so does the pain they feel in their heart, they know that they are better off without, but still they cling on.. yet the same time fighting off the tears, because they want to be strong..

one could not think of a reason why things happen the way they do.. they just Do.. and always do they happen for a reason, perhaps one that they don't know how to explain...

but why, must one gentle tear reach the cheek? to stroke and try to comfort you, but making you want to just.. feel more and more stroke you... then you start to try to take your mind of things.. we are strange beings.. strange very strange...

Christ's death and resurrection

Let me tell you, this one sure thing friends, Christ did not die for saints, nor for the perfect and Holy, He died for a world of sinners, so that when you accept Him you will become righteous by His blood.

Romans 5:8
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:9-11
⁹Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! ¹⁰For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! ¹¹Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Being appreciative

To everyone who knows me, and that I am with this wonderful girl called kelz kelz... this post is dedicated to tell you all.. and to tell her how wonderful she really is!

My dear, she is wonderful... she is someone who stands by me, even though at times I failed to do the same... she didn't leave me, nor did she keep me in "cold storage". I want to say, she is some one with integrity and some one who really sticks by what she believes in, and what she believes in is not wrong, or right for any one to say she is wrong.

She has a wonderful sense of variety, she has a sense of humour, she is beautiful naturally (this everyone should see ;) ). Her love for different kinds of food, and hate for others, are both complimentary of her uniqueness. She isn't just another girl, or some one other person Jesus loves... No no.. she's a girl I love, and she's a girl that Jesus really loves, in a unique way, no other way.

kelz, is some one who is creative, and she has a very nice art sense, that keeps everything realistic.. maybe sometimes others might think otherwise, but she is willing to learn, and change.. she isn't a weed in the field, but a tulip amongst all the daisies. she's very up to date with her fashion, she has wonderful taste. Her value is not one of that can be sold or bought with cash or money.. neither can it be traded for any item such as gold or silver... she's unique, adorable, cute, sexy, beautiful, kind, loving, and loved.

She's a great friend, willing, she helps others, and tries her best in everything she does... she's not something that can be used and thrown away.. she is some one.. who is there when you need her, and listening when you have problems..

my kelz kelz, is so wonderful, such a great person. God made no mistakes =)

Our God is an awesome God

God's love is just so amazing.. I couldn't take my mind off it... How could I be so foolish to run from Him? recently I have had doubts on what is right and what is wrong, but over all I believe that Jesus did die for our sins our coverings for all, for we did not know what we were doing.... He didn't die when we were perfect, He didn't die while we were in the process of repentance.. no, He died whilst we were still sinners..

This is amazing.. imagine dying by the most gruesome death, for a bunch of people who don't even deserve let alone respected you? yest you would save them at such a cost of death? haha is amazing!

If the Law made us perfect, then we should follow it, but it didn't that's why Jesus came to fulfill it, it's not about how well you can do things, it's not about, how great and mighty you are as a Christian.. heck it's not even about how bad you are.. or how sinful you are, It's about God, your father, restoring the foundation of the relationship! I know God does not desire, sacrifices, But I know one thing, He desires, for us to be restored with Him, He desires to see us happy, in joy and love... Yes we can go focus on what we are meant to do, but our hearts remain empty and useless.. we can help people, we can speak in tongues, we can give great speeches.. But with no weight of God's love? you're knowledge will puff you up, but love will grow in a pacing speed... I can give you all points and stuff, but that would totally mess up the fun of discovering God for who He is :)

I love you all!
But I am not perfect, so it is more correct to say this,
God loves you all!

God bless,
-Chris

::We can do whatever we want, we can try to earn our salvation, we can try to earn every part of it, but miss the whole point of it, miss the real reason behind it, miss the real person, and that person is God Himself::

Why let your light shine?

Not sure if any of you wondered why my post was about let your light shine? Here's my answer to all of you who are baffled beyond any understanding!

This world has never been a very wonderful world, with or without Christ.. in fact if you read more and more about the past and history, you'll know that this world is very dark.. in deed the darkness had time to breed itself.. ok let me break it down and not speak metaphorically for you.

Humans, make the world... Humans have the tendency to be tempted and minds and thoughts changed through, ways we cannot understand, why i say this in these terms is basically, we can be educated by sin, and by the evil spirits in this world very easily, why? it's in our nature la... who needs to tell a kid to lie? or to steal? no one... if the kid thinks he wants the toy that don't belong to him, He'll go grab it off the weaker kid...

yeap looking familiar to the world eh? personally nothing changes as we go on in life, people try to backstab, lust kicks in and we go sleep around, with no more morale values in us... sometimes we are rejected but we know we are stronger, just like kids we take what we want, rob people, slash them,. shoot them, rape them... and whatever else we want to do.. somewhat like that kid,.. who stole your toy when you were in nusery in a grander scale. this is how the 'world' is dark..

so then you ask, is it getting darker? personally, it might seem like it's getting darker, but heck I believe it's been dark all along, just the media blew it up in a grand scale, and in a sense, gave new ideas to those who might not have been brave enough or smart enough to rob/rape/sleep around/do this do that...

(wow Chris this is getting too deep, and dark) yeap dark it is! ok so let me get to the let your light shine part!

sorry to those who have yet to believe, but i think if you followed me from the beggining till now you will understand everything I say =)

So you see this verse:"John 1:5 The light shines in the darkness, but the darkness has not understood it."

the light is actually my dear friend, brother and saviour, Jesus Christ... He shone through the darkness of this world (yeap sin and those spirits that u know you can't explain why you can just lie for no reason) and of course as the verse states the darkness didn't understand...

During the time of Jesus, you could tell He was a light in isreal.. so many people fled to Him, even the romans could see hope life and light in him... so many fled to Him, even the pharasies realised it! and sadly enough, they got angry about it too (:O a sense of darkness? but why angry?) so... cut the story short, jesus died and rose again for us later on!

so those who accepted Christ now have the Holy Spirit in them shinning from inside out, thus you have the light... same kind of light that Christ has! But wait.. you must be thinking oh know what if I do wrong things.. I'm stuck to this rule this regulation.. blablabla, no no! it's wrong! tell me if you had some one save your life and gave you the best, through every time.. He save dyou from being a prostitute by force, provided you with a house, a maid to clean it.. everything you needed.. would you go to Him and give Him trouble? or would you yourself return to the place where you were almost forced to prostitution? no right? But you would be so thankful to that person, and somewhat love that person for what they are doing for you!

It's the same way in Christ, you won't follow rules and bolt down to them just because you have to, but because when you walk the road with him, you'll find out more and more, yes no doubt you might fall, but you see there is still hope, Christ will come down with His hand and uphold you again... when you realised, hey the love of christ is so amazing, when you experience it, and realise.. why is this world so damn horrible and how on earth did Christ do it? and then look at yourself, freak I'm not that good either, then look at Christ.. you will finally realise.. hey... I'm loved tremendously.. I don't wanna go back to that dumpster...

then, you will have this light in you.. wiht the realization of the love of God, you will be able to love others, the way Christ loves you, coz you realise, how much your loved, and How much Christ loves them too... so light your light shine, the light of Christ, which loves all!

Dye hair, haircut

Okay, I did consider dying my hair.. but I didn't do it just yet, coz I was unsure... =p I think my parents don't really want me to dye my hair, but I want to try it and see :) I think it's not permanent, and if it looks good, then it's most likely pleasing to many people around me.. Haha the old British saying: Eat to please yourself, dress up to please others =).

Pretty neat saying... I heard it on the radio haha! =p
.....

Any how besides my new haircut, and consideration of dying it. I had my whole weekend spent in Jerm's place... yeap Jerm's place where random people invite themselves in xD wakakaka... But I'm not one of them.. ^^ not really something I like to do.. randomly appear in someones house without their notice xD or invite myself over =)... but I do ask if I can come over.. probably means I'm inviting myself... ahhhh! bleh who cares =p what do you my fellow blog readers say? :)

My internet was down all weekend.. due to some network issue, quite strange and hilarious at the same time.. But hey, I think God worked this way to give me rest =)...

As for the emo-ing.. haha after my haircut, my thoughts of emoness were reduced greatly and my joy was restored to me.. haha was cool! I remember God's word about short hair bringing glory to God for guys.. alright I won't take it into full blow right now.. coz I have to re read the verse.. but funny enough, God was like.. go cut your hair... =p I was planning to grow it a bit more! Thankfully quite a few people thinks it looks good! soooo I'm happy!

....

As for my relationship with my dear <3.. well, what can I say? :).. I miss her, admist the busyness but I understand every situation she is going through... =) I love her the same =D well... you want juicy bits? :P zpppp* no can do, that's private between me and her and people we choose to reveal to =p.

God bless ya all!
-Chris
::⁴Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. ⁵It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. ⁶Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. ⁷It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. ⁸Love never fails... -1 Corinthians 13:4-8a::

2 Peter 1 (New International Version)

2 Peter 1

1Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ,
To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours:

2Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
Making One's Calling and Election Sure
3His divine power has given us everything we need for life and godliness through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature and escape the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.

5For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7and to godliness, brotherly kindness; and to brotherly kindness, love. 8For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9But if anyone does not have them, he is nearsighted and blind, and has forgotten that he has been cleansed from his past sins.

10Therefore, my brothers, be all the more eager to make your calling and election sure. For if you do these things, you will never fall, 11and you will receive a rich welcome into the eternal kingdom of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.
Prophecy of Scripture
12So I will always remind you of these things, even though you know them and are firmly established in the truth you now have. 13I think it is right to refresh your memory as long as I live in the tent of this body, 14because I know that I will soon put it aside, as our Lord Jesus Christ has made clear to me. 15And I will make every effort to see that after my departure you will always be able to remember these things.

16We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty. 17For he received honor and glory from God the Father when the voice came to him from the Majestic Glory, saying, "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased."[a] 18We ourselves heard this voice that came from heaven when we were with him on the sacred mountain.

19And we have the word of the prophets made more certain, and you will do well to pay attention to it, as to a light shining in a dark place, until the day dawns and the morning star rises in your hearts. 20Above all, you must understand that no prophecy of Scripture came about by the prophet's own interpretation. 21For prophecy never had its origin in the will of man, but men spoke from God as they were carried along by the Holy Spirit.

I'm sorry

I'm sorry blog readers.. but I am sad.. so I must let go my sadness in the only place I know!

I fee that tears are always in my eyes.. but never flowing out.. I feel sad.. and alone... I dunno whats wrong with me.. I wish God oh I wish, you would come and see me now.. :(... my heart is heavy.. and my friends around.. but all I see is emptiness and the joy I have is fake... my true joy.. where have you gone?

I'm not happy, and heck no one said you will be happy all the time, yes you have the choice to be happy.. then be happy
SMILE... damn it Chris... you're pathetic!

I'm sorry I can't lie to myself.. when I am sad I'm really am sad... I mixed.. not knowing what is what and how to handle it all... help me oh Lord...

I feel that feeling again.. pressing against me.. and I can never explain it.. I am being consumed by my very own self.. and yes I know God your continually pulling me out.. coz I get these times of relief... but it's not enough.. sigh,... I want.. I think this is self pity!

ARGH
I hate you Chris... always wanting people to love you... face the fact, if you don't feel loved it's probally because your looking too hard! for goodness sake.. look what Jesus did for you, it's not enough? can't you count your freaking blessings?! for franks sake... wake up... *slaps* ur a freaking idoit you knwo that chris?? and you think you know it all... you think people are going to SHOW you love.. JUST BVECAUSE WANT IT...

YOU wanna know something.. people are not sensetive enough to do that... people don't care Chris.. if your not a benefit to them.. then they'll just shove you aside.. like a freaking dead peice of meat on the side of the damn road..

yes when they need you they treat you like a KING... why don't you see this?... what are you lookiing for in this life Chris? to change peoples minds? to make them realise like you! damn it... you're so niave.. and an idot! so.. t(-_-t) you..

results...

seems like I only have two friends reading this blog.. and commenting.. so the result! is i should change.. just do it.. so I will.. actually there was one friend that said she likes me the way I am... the loving bro kinda guy.. sigh.. I'm just so damn confused.. where is my family? where is my friends?... all I have left is you God..

Change?

Hey all, I've been pondering, should I change myself? I don't mean just physically, I mean mentally and all, become a more fun guy, become some one who doesn't care so much, or shall I say worry, have concerns..

if I am to do these steps:
1:take risk, pay for paint balling go for it
2:go out more with random people no more sticking to a few.
3:don't really bother about what others think, meet new people
4: work out more, go to the gym/swim/jog/work out at home in general
5: do something bizaar, like head to genting for no reason
6: meet up with some old friends from college

hehe or shall I just stick to being me? caring, loving, wishing to have fun, playing computer games...

Burfday

ok like I said catching up... haha but since I only just got my present from the gang,... I suppose this is the correct timing ! xD.

Well... here's my presents~ :P

Pair of addidas trainers! $$$ expensive but NICE!

Pair of Crocs... from the gang! very late present :) but thanks none the less

Great wallet, nice and stylish, any one looking for one? this is nice! from my sweetheart!

games from my sis(ok harry potter.. I know what ur all thinking) ipods from my mum Chirstmans & bday combo haha

well I had a birthday dinner with both the gang and with my family! nyam both yummy! hehe.. nothing more to blog.. :P

Farewell!

This post is dedicated to two of my lovely praise team leaders!

from the left Carrie(PTL) valrie(she didnt leave:P), Katrina(PTL & great sis!)

Well First to Carrie (not that your going to read my blog):
Wish you well, and great health, hope you excel in Aussie and become the top notch! You're a great Pt Leader and a cool friend :). Remember God is always there for ya and wheneve ryou need an ear he's there!

Now To Katrina:
Don't party till your drunk :P even tho beer is cheap there hahahaha! your a great sis and I thank you for listening to all my ranting! haha I really miss ya! ^^ hope you do well in aussie, pass with flying colours, and get along with all colours hehe! Remmeber church is the best place to mix :).

My Valentines day

Yesh yesh, Iknow I am behind time! haha but better late than never :). Well, spent the time in Jaya ONE! :D, we ate in frontera, it's a mexican food stall.. yum. any way won't bore you with words!

The making:

well I know it's not exactly the making since the tree was done, but hey... the base was in the making haha

improved.. but still a lil cacat

Much better!

sorry guys, the final final is not published here, because.. it's only for my sweet heart to see! (Maybe she will reveal it in her blog =p)

starters in da Mexican grill bar:

sorry guys thats all the pics of the food I took.. coz of hunger :P..


and the best is always reserved for the last..
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The most beautiful and wonderful gal!

well... for me to enjoy for you too look on my side bar :P!

^^ that's all for my updates... next "Should be" dedicated to Kat and carried :)

-Chris

Feeling a lil un-equiped

ahh... this is life aye? Well I am feeling pretty much inadequate at the moment due to my job... I don't think I can train?! how? ah well... we'll see how.. I'll be telling my GM tmr :)


this pic is pretty cool! got it form my ipod :).~

Crushed rose

like a rose trampled,
the world encloses,
darkness is all around,
but what is there in this world,
a good hand or a good heart?
a good person to make it right?

Like a winding road,
or a roller coaster,
this cart is rolling down too fast,
this cart won't stop rolling down,
where is the up?

Time is so precious,
but what is it?
can you define time?
or is it just an existence or calculation?
is it comes thing for us to keep track of?

Oh Father God,
where hath you gone?
you art near thou knows,
but where art thy heart?
I need thee in mine life..

Why O thou heart so downcast?