just updating my blog, hallo. I have currently nothing to say. so this is my updat hahahaha.:P

I've always hjad this Qeustion in my head i knwo that it has some truth but it probally doesn't. Sorry that i doesn't make sense :P nothign i can do abt it. the question Do you hate me? pops up now and again. Weird huh. maybe it's when u feel the slight ignorance or if you feel really reall bad or maybe it's simply because some ones PEEING u off. (trying not to swear).

Do you hate me? do u really? i mean do you hate me? hahaha you do now for bugging you. Any way, that was only for abit of fun:D. Promises are made to be broken. Who on earth made that up, it's kinda freaky broken? I try to keep my promises really I do. Secerts on the other hand I disband them in the part of my brain that cn't remember much
only vauge info hehe^^. There fore my secerts are in my head and never come out.k what i am typing now is just random things flying outta my brain :P. I miught sound abit happy prehaps i am!:D Or i might sound like I am on drugs ( NO I AM NOT).

People desrve to live on this world.I don't care how much you don't belive it. But it's true, wish you were never born? Then i suppose you weren't in a way. Some times you must realise whats happening around you become consious. Look aorund and then realise hey I'm not alone. Sooooo It's okay. ok maybe it isn't. But dun SAP your energy from what ui did in da past FOCUs on da present!not>>>>>>>>>>>and not<<<<<<<<<<<<< just AT THIS PRESENT moment when u r reading this ridiculous blog:D yaya TODAY not yesterday LIVE LIFE NOW not back then. BE happy not sad. some times I look aorund when i am happy. i think to myself. I loook and feel awefully strange about this happiness. I say to myself stop smiling. But when ever i see another : ) I just can't help smilling too! but when i see a >_< my smiling mood fades away. SMILESMILESMILE PLZ SMILE PLZZ PRETTY PLZ WITH A CHERRY ON TOP. Just one.. plz smile. come on I knwo u can do better than that. make it look BIG : )) smile oyu can do it. if u can frown YOU CAN DEFINATLEY SMILE GOGOGO SMILE ya it's comign . Do it like you mean it. THINK HAPPY htoguhts HEHE kk. Try nto to over stress yourself :P but didn't it feel gd a moment of smile. No? oh my it didn't. Of COurse it did it's just u hink it didn't so it didn't :P but really it did you knwo it fdi,. blabalbalablablabla

K end of my blog hehe^^

I have looked back on my past. Ok there was bad times. But I notice if you stand strong and and not let down your guard you will survive a lot longer. Ok I haven't told u everything coz. Well if I did. It'll be abit more on suffering. Yet, You have to put all these suffering aside. Perhaps if any of you are reading this. look at your past and see how you became yourself today. It's every interessting. I want every one to stand back up I will help you up if you 'trust me'. However if you do not. I suggest whoever you can 'trust'. Ask them for help. help me up come on back here. I don't wanna fall anymore. I know it feels easy to fall, it makes me feel useless. So since I am useless whats the point me being on this earth? Think about it. I'm sure every one on this earth. has touched some ones heart once. If you were not there how would it been like? You would think alot better i would at times. But the fact is. could you imagine how it'll probally be. some one smiling, ya smilling, but you remove the shell he/she is hiding in. All pain and suffering, wondering what happened in my life soem ones missing. You may not belive this but every one on this earth is worth soemthing. Not useless nor were they not ment to be in this world. Do not throw your life away relentessly, It seriously doesn't help. Yes you are scaed you cannot cope. Please find a friend that will stand beside you though this battle of life. You yourself cannot cope. Yet if you were with a friend he/she would always come and help. Prehaps find some one you could express your feelings to. Tell them everything why you feel bad. Some one who would take it cool. Listen, not react unapporpraitly. and try to help you.
I am tellign you this now to whonm ever it may concern. It concerns alot of people that includes you ash, ya thats right. You don't seem to be qutie yourself any more, after splitting with mit and all. I think mit you havn't been the same ever since too. To every one else whome may read this blog. Pleas do not treat this as a lecture but some sort of guidence... 'I just wanna be a better friend' thats what i say. To mit and ash I wish you the best in take this into consideration. I would stand by you help you in anty way I can. yes I maybe only one guy in this world. So what the heck can I do. I can listen. I knwo you can both plubish on your blog it's up to you.but getting some one to listen is very usefull. trust me, see the word Tust always appear.

Well this is chris hopign that this post has help any one in any way, Chin up, look up, down is just the floor up is the sky the trees the birds the open air the universe.
love,
Chris

So datiung back all the way to uk.When i first remeber was when i was 3. but only a car i can remember. Maybe a bubble gum drink besides that nthign specail i can rememeber. Ok When i went into yr 2 I met a friend, Aa friend indeed I have kept contact with im ever sicne and he is still a friend to me. We had fun played around for about a year or so. Qazar was good playign shotign useing a lazer pack and a infrared gun. RELOAD RELOAD i can still remember. even tho u where dead peopel tried to shhooot u wasso funny. What a waste of ammo too. later at yr 3 I had exit the school and entered another, named, monkton high. I t was a great school with great friends I remember sprinting with every one and actualy being first. I was so fit then. If only now i could be as fit. I trained this friend grant for many years ytill yr 5 where he had drew wit me in a race. After that I moved to another school.

This itme this school was called Landaf cathedral school. Yes the first time i actually got a Girl Friend was here. only lasted a month coz i thought she was bullyinhgme.^^ what a idiot lol. nvm I was young and foolish then. puppy love i suppose they call it? She came bac to me wanting to go back with me. But as the person i am I said no. Stubornuess grew hard hit hard.(No i never kissed her not even once hahhaha, thus i have never kissed a gurl before but a relative) I still have strong memeories of a field trip where we ewent into a cave. had to crawl, if we fell we were to small so we woulda drowned lol. but it was fun. Later we went furthur in they told us to off our lamps and asked if we could see our hands in PITCH BLACK. HAHAHHA OF COURSE WE COULD we ARE SUPPER CHILDREN HAHAHAHHAH ya serious we could. soem could even go the way out. Scary huh? the guy was liek telling us it was all in our heads in science ya. But to us Science Bah. LOL we were ending to the cave and entered this place. a washing machien they called it. Asked who wanted to go. 3 -4 of us said ya I was one of them. was fun u sit in and let the waves carry you down all the way to the bottom. I still rememebr being scared to death coz I thought there was pirhanars in da water lol. was fun went climbing abit.Good old memories.

Then came High school. Doesn't the word it self scare you hahahah. I wass passive and treated as a punching bag. Can't really remember the good times. Just teasing kicks and punches. I didn't want to fight back. Wats the point giving them soemhting they want. LOL later i became more imun e to thier punches felt liek a massage. which was EXCELENT ^^. treated them as a friend even tho they r enmies was great. my friends were there always sticking up for me. It was a pleasure to knwo them. so after yr7 8 9 3 yrs of toture i ahd to go back to malaysia.

Malaysia, wasn't as bad as i thought. In fact no bullying but friend ship. Had alot of teasting but i was used to it. siunce i had the skill to tuant back :P. On the first day of school they asked me if i knew malay I said no. But they asked me to write abt hobi saya. I misunder stood it and thought hmm write hobi saya continuosly? what type of school is this so I asked my friend Ashley, He saw me write that and bursted out laughing. he was like what? she told you to write about your hoby in malay I was like @_@ what! was so funny. Later I met TJ in my class a great guy I thought he was. untill we argued ofund how short tempered he was. But it didn't matter.

Later in yr 11. Introduction to a specail friend, MIT. She was introduced to me through the phone DA PHONE THATS RIGHT. Scary I didn't have a clue what to say or do. Just laugh like an idiot hahahha. later i met her the next mornign wasn't sure if it was her. Ash took a whiel to intro us. NOT. after she ran off that day, I asked ash if that was her. FINALLY he said YA. I was like .... no intro how dsad. Later we grew to be closer friends a good friendship it was. threw pencil cases.. oo can't forget those slap turn face slap. ouch had to hide the pain ^^. :P ya it did hurt, and YA i did turn my face. then came the taunting and then came the couple of 2 good friends. they were happy together which made me happy. Even tho inside might of been pain or suffering at least there was a tinit of HAPPINESS! then came the IP games oo they were fun 2 on 1 against tj then 2 on 1 against me. HAHAHA still rememebr all the wals :S Blew them down like they were ants hahahah. any way later on they grew stronger... Hmm was it because of love? or because of practice (giggles). No more of the high school in malaysia too long just wanted to get the main points :P

now college that was fun I mean WATING 6 months of my life:P. I guess u shouldn't call it wasting since i did learn somehting huh?
:P met some friends but they never got as close as ash or mit. Or even tj. opps dinner time I will conti this later.:P Secerets revealed.. I'll tell u my secert. later..

SO another epsode of my life huh? well I'm gonna make this a little different. I'm gonna tell u what i am going to write in my next blog to hlep me rememebr. I am going to wrtie abt my biography. Ya my life who woulda thought of that? freaky huh? Any wayz back to this blog. Well i've been thinking about the word trust alot. Always been wondering why was this word invented for good or for evil. 'Trust me' some one would say but do you trust them. I guess i dunno prehaps u will.But how far can trust go. I really wanna be a trust worthy friend, but I'm afraid I will fall in to the graps of evil and it will take my trust away. Anothwer word is loyalty, i htink this links to trust. Yet people say it's the period of time some one stays close. I defins loyalty as floows:
Stay beside some one even in a losing battle
never let them down.
Friendz ForevEr.
I still have a question in my head. How do u keep some one so close to u, close. When yet they are far from you? how can u express to them that they are worth the universe and yet not hrut them. Well i dunno. Our lives are oging different directions. I still have contact with Ash. Still read mits blog coz she used to be my pet sister, and stil is in my head. However I am not anymore. I guess they say Good triumphs over evil. ya? but how much of that is true when evil is controling the world i dunno. I'm jusyt one guy in this worldtryign to make a difference. But is one enough. we will see

Well that about wraps up todays blog all these qeusitons are for u to answer yourself. If you want to asnwer to me then by all means do : )
Have a Gr8t Day wishing you all the best,
Chris

How are you all in this wodnerful morning. Well let see whats been in my head. erm... It takes months to get a close friend and just days to lose them. Yea thats been in my head for a while, besides that work and play? God of course has been in my mind. OOO Don't forget exams. any way yesterday wat did i do played games, swa, ate played more games :/ prehaps i should start doing work again ya liek the work i have infront of me oging dusty :P. Any howz nothing much I have to say but God bless u all. yea one more thing. WAKE UP :P. any way this is me Chris or pinee or piney or whatever signing off. (to be continued)

hi it's me again, hmm who eles :P
Anmy wayz inish one of my 2 exams yesterday it was ok alright. finished like in 50 mins. hmm just had my hair cut and it burns coz the blade he used didn't have any type of pain easer ?:P any wayz will write more later cya

Todays been cool. My heart is healing better and even better news... the scars just got shallow. I hope you all have had a good day. I went to church, found out it was being renovated on thursday boom there goes my church. but they moved to times square for the hwole year was so cool^^. but thing is i dun liek it when i first walk into time qaure in da morning
iIkinda feel slanted lol the floor was built in a weird way. Well any wayz my church was talkign abt 7 up cheers lol. my pastor tok out a seven up bottle andstarted preaching.
1.Wake up- dun sleep so much show the world you r a christain os things.
2.dress up- put a smile on ya face coz we dun wanna be frwoning christains
3.Stup up- dun say bad htings keep them to yaslef
4.
5.look up-look up to God as we expect great things from him thus we should do great things for him
6.reach up-
7.lift up-
hmm fogot the important ones -_-; how sad *sob any way I'm currenntly reviewmining my notes for the exams. I hope i Do well I havn't been exactly revising alot hahahha. any way to any one who reads this.
Take care
lots of love,
Chris

Only been less than an hour and I already wana type soehitng. Weird huh? I just read Ash's bliog long post. Really sad. Yet he is right gd memories dun fade, bad never forget. I also am like him. Girls I can't really get along with. When evre I even try talking to them I am stopped. Not knwoing what to do, say , will i hurt them, is this right? I supose guys are easier to get along with coz like I myself am a guy and i knwo what i right and what is wrong. Us guys can say anythign to one another knowing that we like to joke with each other. But when it comes to girls, i guess you have to be serious. Any girl that has even even gotten close to me will just disapear like a fish in a sea. Nothing i Can really do about it. I pray for this world to get better. Guess what it has. My exams are at tuesday. dunno how to revise. Heck there's anythings I dunno. you want all the knowledge of this world? I wouldn't.

Hi again I changed my mind I'm gonna make another post. Things have been going through my head latley and I can't stand it, i need to get rid of them here. I've noticed. only now I have actually lost many friends... people don't know me. Infact I probally don't know them. I guess it is a fact i have to bear with. Many of my close friends Are driffting away prehaps i wanted to hold them so tight. That they sliped from me, and swam away. there isn't anything i can really do about it. Thats life is it? Feels like a spear being thrown into u in point blank range, or even shot by a gun. to hear friends you have gotten to known are drifting from you. It's a creul world with many cruel poeple. But i guess there are good people in this world. 'all i wanted to be is a better friend' Guess that wil never happen. The radio is probally correct , you dun contact your friends. they will probally won't be your best friend any more. Prehaps i am one of those... Well... at least Sams still my buddy since yr 2. That should count for something, right? Ash is still my friend I suppose. much have happened since we last met.

'just like old times' yesterday me ash and Tj had a game. It was really like ol dtimes really brought the spirit inside me back to life. Yet why do i still have qeustions in my head. why? why? why? hmmm non stop rows of whys. Who am I? I am Christopher Tan Kok Jeong. I used to have many friends. many close to me.
many that have drifted far,
too far,
that when i hold my hand out,
you cannot feel them there any more.
'just like old times...' I wish...


Chris

Hi again I changed my mind I'm gonna make another post. Things have been going through my head latley and I can't stand it, i need to get rid of them here. I've noticed. only now I have actually lost many friends... people don't know me. Infact I probally don't know them. I guess it is a fact i have to bear with. Many of my close friends Are driffting away prehaps i wanted to hold them so tight. That they sliped from me, and swam away. there isn't anything i can really do about it. Thats life is it? Feels like a spear being thrown into u in point blank range, or even shot by a gun. to hear friends you have gotten to known are drifting from you. It's a creul world with many cruel poeple. But i guess there are good people in this world. 'all i wanted to be is a better friend' Guess that wil never happen. The radio is probally correct , you dun contact your friends. they will probally won't be your best friend any more. Prehaps i am one of those... Well... at least Sams still my buddy since yr 2. That should count for something, right? Ash is still my friend I suppose. much have happened since we last met.

(/strong)'just like old times'(/strong) yesterday me ash and Tj had a game. It was really like ol dtimes really brought the spirit inside me back to life. Yet why do i still have qeustions in my head. why? why? why? hmmm non stop rows of whys. Who am I? I am Christopher Tan Kok Jeong. I used to have many friends. many close to me.
many that have drifted far,
too far,
that when i hold my hand out,
you cannot feel them there any more.
'just like old times...' I wish...


Chris

I guess, life has it's ups and downs. we make the most of ups and even more on downs... yet the more we think about it. the more u get hurt. I've been thinking. Every time I am scared in the heart, I heal, but when i heal the scars in my heart get deeper. Only i can understand this. Unless u are me or really know me well. Everything good happens, everyhting bad happens, Everything happens but we make the most of it. when bad hits we think it's bad.. but osme think it's good. So i guess my dream cannot come true. My wish is to see the whole world happy. No sadness No sin. nothing like that... i would give my life for it. but I also am scared. I doubt my life is worth anything compared to the wish i want to have. It is great yto see people happy coz if they are happy I too am happy. If they are sad I too am sad.

I'm really sorry for making those who r happy now sad, r I am very gald i made u happy if this pleases you. It is freat to see happiness :D one smile can lighten the world. One person can change the world. But why are we so stubborn. I guess thats life, we are only human. If u do not knwo what sin is it is war pain rape drugs killing . stuff like that.

Us humans have always faltered since the begining of earth. God knew and yet he made an knowlesge tree. Us humans are too easily manipulated. What to do? you tell me.. I have no idea. this may not sound right coming out of a guys mouth. but It's still good, Love you all, Wish you all the best, this is my last post.... before.. I... Do....I'll let you guess=)