Hurting inside..


I'm so sad... and hurt in my heart... I feel like I have grown bitter.. I feel like this world is so forsaken.. and dead.. I know God's around.. I dunno why I feel this way..

I just wish to see my dear happy again oh God.. can you make her smile? can you take this pain from her...? Is there any way? can you please annoint her hands and mind that she is able to doall this.. surround her with loving people.. I feel so sad deep down..

oh God.. I feel so useless... why can't I say the right things? why can't I take her mind off the assignments... or why can't I encourage her? why do I go so crazy for her God?...

My mind wonders and I worry God.. I worry like crazy... I knwo it's bad.. I wish I didn't... I feel the tears gathering in my heart.. like a well filling up with water... I just wish.. I am stressed God... work is ok.. but I want to learn more... Praise team wasn't as vibrant why do I still wanna complain?... God oh God...

I wanna cry so badly... I want to be loved.. oh God.. I need to know that she loves me... not just by words oh God...

I am going crazy... I wanna just lay here, I feel like escaping the world... but why? I feel this world is drowning in the darkness.. Oh God shine your light...

I am so mixed! what is it in my heart!!! Does she hate me God? is that why she has been ignoring my smses? is that why she has ignored my calls? never returning even one... is that why she doesn't bother to call me once anymore just to talk?

I can't bear the hurt oh God... this burden I lift to you... I can't stand it to the point I cant sleep now... I wish she'd pick up the phone.. but I know she won't.. shes too tired.. then tmr she has this survival thing with her cg.. I know it's a good thing.. but no hp nothing.. sigh.. another suspense for me..

I am going CRAZY God... please... please.. help :(
I need rest..

I need love...

I need assurance...

God bring me back to you... again.. I am so sad... so sad... I can't bottle it up anymore... so I pour to you here.. God.. help me.. God help me...

=(
-Chris