Illusions of the Past

oh how kindly has the Lord shone, how free I have been, Wanting to work so much for him and yet wanting to know him more and more! But why these Illusions?! what is this haunting me.. I thought all darkness have gone, and truly it has... but the visions. the dreams the nightmare that consumes me... does it seem right? ahh I told many how I feel and what bad htings I saw.. I couldn't not not think about it.. ahh entagled by the pain of the past.. illussions and ghosts haunting me again.. LORD i cry where are you? why can't I hear you... why is there only one pair of foot step in this sand? have you left me.. noo... I feel so insecure once again.. the pains are comign back,... the scar.. I feel the burn but why? WHY?! come ba ck to me... don't leave me.. as the tears draws down my eye... vissiosn blur.. what did I do so wrong.. I cry and CRY, shout to th eLord.. but nothign has been answered.. what happened?! he doesn't forsake us does he?>... as I try to fight these visions.. I proclaim that I am weak and the Lord is strong in me.. the visiosn come over and over.. ohh the nightmares.. the pain.. ahh I thought it would be such a nice ride form now.. but how wrong Am I? why am I so entangled.. HELP ME... some one... I break down.. I want to hide, but the darkness won't save me... finally I Stop fighting... I say I surrender... but I won't give in.. I do not surrender to these illusions.. they shant consume me coz I am in the light... but I surrender to Jesus... I see the sand... I see a body.. the shape such as I... what is this? my iluusions.. hands? fighting... but I am not doing anythign for the Lord? how can this be?... he is fighting them off for me? I dont get it.... I rest and he fights?.. then he turned to me.. saying, when you are troubled I carry you, when you rest I can work through you... I asked but why but how?, then the visions disapeared I looked into the sand and saw 2 pairs of footsteps again... and a peice of paper so many verses.... 2Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and a sound mind...Romans 8:15 For you did not recieve the spirit of bondage again to fear but you recieved the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out,"Abba father".. Romans 8:28 And we knwo that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.... and at the bottom it is written, I will never leave you nor forsake you.. I am your shepard, I will lead you to the still waters and green pastures.. I carried you through your troubled times, and you have used me as an light upon your darkest moements, I love you~

The tears stremed down my eyes... my heart was once again comforted, I know now that it's not my works that make me safe but the Lords.. I knwo that he can use me and that what ever happens is for his purpose and good :) Thank you Lord


Haha another story in 1 day? o.O hope you all enjoyed.. these verses came flyign to me in cards.. and they were so amazin.. I had to write them