just smile

So, today is a boring day as every one is busy. As usual I am wasting my free time wondering what to do. I dunno prehaps fredom is nice. Is there such thing as freedom. Yea it's a freee country right, but u can't do this and that. ya we;ll it's not free nothigns free as people say. Some times in my life I would wanna die. I let my gaurd down and my body is just taken over by this force that brings u heavy down on this earth. I try to get back up. I tell myself/ or myself tells me. Get up u can do it. I try but nothing happens, then the day gets worste as the dayl light vanishes. Storms arrive nI cannot use the com, after that i have to swim. The weight gets heavier everythime i want to do somehting good. the day gets worste and worste. It's like once u fall it's like an endless hole even my own self cannot bring me out.

Eventually it comes to the end of the day. Where you look back and regret falling in the first place. I lost, I fell, I let my gaurd down for one second. N somethign just pushed me in the hole.

The endless hole that lasts a day-- a night. Untill u fall alseep wake up to another glorius morning and smile. trying not to let your self fall in the same hole again. prehaps it's not all about The gaurd holding up as long as possible. what say you? Maybe it is all about the strength you have in yourself. what you think of yourself. What you create in your mind. I like it, but i hate it. I need it but i don't want it. It keeps me alive even though it's killing me. I must, I will. I cannot, but i really want to. Temptation? or just meerly an addction?

in my brain, I never told any one before. I talk to it, it actually responds but i knwo the response. Yet the response is so different from what i usually say it feels like another person inside of me. The brain supports me when i need it, Brings me further in the hole when I don't need it, but then again i do?

Ah well this is the end of my blog, for this morning. Wishing you a Gd day and remember just smile.