Old familiar Feeling

Walking normal each and every day, you look normal you smile to the next person and never be transparent. You put a mask and carry on with life. When people see you they say hey no way you can be sad or depressed your too active to hyper and just too busy. But under that mask is a sack filled of water.. a river of tears held in. You feel like your drowning from your own tears.. you feel the rush and hurt inside.. All you want to do is forget.. you focus all your energy on forgetting, that you don't actually forget what is making you hurt but instead forget what makes you happy... you cling on to what you still have like a cliffhanger, everyday you use your strength to pull yourself together go out and see the world, laugh at it and come home taking off a mask and finally breathing properly.. you look left and right, you wonder.. is any one there? can they see you.. Cautiously you take your mask and put it back on your face.. looking around there is nothing.. you let out a breath of relief.. as you close your eyes all you see is black.. trying so hard to smile for real you think to yourself... one day I will forget one day=) and I will be released... then as you pick up a book or magazine you read it.. you see on it.. lies are ways of hiding your fears.. you lie to yourself only putting more chains on yourself... reading on you find an old piece of fact.. honesty is the best policy.. you don't know why you want to believe that but never had the time to see that... as you say to yourself ah life’s good, yup it is... more tears fill your river of tears... then one day you forget your mask and walk out of the door... you feel a sense of insecurity oh no I forgot my mask?! ahh crap.. people see how sad you are but dare not ask why.. as you sit you can't stop moving and Fidgeting and you can't seem to go through the day as you normally would with your mask... you run out of the school or work place and flee home... running to your mask and hugging it...

ahh the Lie that you have been hiding under can you not see that they are hurting you? do you not know the truth is what sets you free? did you know that the hurt inside you builds you up?, who is that you ask? how do you know me so well you shout! Please go away! the voice stops and vanishes... you are left there wondering about what it said... then another voice comes and says go on put on the mask again... you know the mask is what every one lives on... no one in this world is truthful! every one is deceitful and will only make the world a worst place without their masks.. go on you know you want to...Falling into your mask you agree with that voice and say yea! I will so you put it on and go out into the world... you feel uncomfortable.. and a sense of strangeness... then the same voice that told you to put your mask on says.. what have you done? you want to know what truth is you want to be honest?! look at you putting on a fake mask deceiving everyone your as worse as the rest.... You cry and say Go away but the voice just keeps getting louder and louder.. you run back home and shut the door tight... taking the mask off and hiding in a corner... Go away!! GO AWAY... the voice keeps on taunting you... Ha?! now your scared I thought you liked me? I thought you agreed with me... you scream “NO!! no... I don't know... ahhh" Tossed into confusion you want to escape but you find yourself shackled by your own masks... you look around and see one part of your room with a lamp still shining bright.. you wonder "eh? I haven’t seen that lamp for ages.. it still works?" Memories flood back into your head you and say those were the days... the voice that taunted you started to laugh hahaha those days have gone!!! off the lamp before it burns out.. other wise you won't have any memories to live on.. you nod your head and approach the lamp.. switching it off the light bulb blows... you scream "WHYYYYY noo... the only piece of memory...The voice gets louder Laughing at you HAHAHHAHa silly Human look what you have done!!! you sink to the floor... and lay down.. looking at the mirror on your ceiling.. you notice a dusty book next to you... the voice just keep laughing and telling you how foolish and careless you are.. but as you seem to focus on that dusty book the voice gets ever so dim... you turn and blow off the dust..."What is this?!", "the.. The... Good news bible..." as you open it you see those old notes you wrote... you see verses and turn to a page you remember you loved most," ah this is the one2 Corinthians 3:18... But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord. "

you shut the bible and fall back on your back, puff out a great sigh.. and say to yourself. With unveiled face.... but.. a.. how I.. you cry out and Say Lord come back to my life.. I know I have strayed for so long, but you have to come back.. accept me again.. I know I have been wrong.. I am not worthy of your presence but I need you... a voice comes.. "and so it is you have finally found the truth that sets you free..." huh? you think to yourself it was the Lord he has been here all along! and I told him to go away? some verses come to your head I am the Lord your God and I will never forsake you nor Leave you... you feel comforted and lay back.. with a smile on your face...

the next day you go into work you throw the mask in the bin and smile... people look at you and think this is strange.. there’s some light shining form her face? why.. they walk up to you and ask you how you are feeling.. you reply “I’m GREAT" they withdraw and fall back... "great?, we don't get it how.. but why? are.. huh a mask? you are not wearing a mask?" you say there is no need for a mask.. if I have the truth.. you smile and open your old bible and share...

Hahah another story, not as nice as other I have written, but hey I hope you all like it! and if you say hey that’s me!!! sorta.. I didn't write about you, but perhaps the Lord is telling you to come back? I don't know

God bless~~~ and Adios
Chris~~~~~~~~~

Illusions of the Past

oh how kindly has the Lord shone, how free I have been, Wanting to work so much for him and yet wanting to know him more and more! But why these Illusions?! what is this haunting me.. I thought all darkness have gone, and truly it has... but the visions. the dreams the nightmare that consumes me... does it seem right? ahh I told many how I feel and what bad htings I saw.. I couldn't not not think about it.. ahh entagled by the pain of the past.. illussions and ghosts haunting me again.. LORD i cry where are you? why can't I hear you... why is there only one pair of foot step in this sand? have you left me.. noo... I feel so insecure once again.. the pains are comign back,... the scar.. I feel the burn but why? WHY?! come ba ck to me... don't leave me.. as the tears draws down my eye... vissiosn blur.. what did I do so wrong.. I cry and CRY, shout to th eLord.. but nothign has been answered.. what happened?! he doesn't forsake us does he?>... as I try to fight these visions.. I proclaim that I am weak and the Lord is strong in me.. the visiosn come over and over.. ohh the nightmares.. the pain.. ahh I thought it would be such a nice ride form now.. but how wrong Am I? why am I so entangled.. HELP ME... some one... I break down.. I want to hide, but the darkness won't save me... finally I Stop fighting... I say I surrender... but I won't give in.. I do not surrender to these illusions.. they shant consume me coz I am in the light... but I surrender to Jesus... I see the sand... I see a body.. the shape such as I... what is this? my iluusions.. hands? fighting... but I am not doing anythign for the Lord? how can this be?... he is fighting them off for me? I dont get it.... I rest and he fights?.. then he turned to me.. saying, when you are troubled I carry you, when you rest I can work through you... I asked but why but how?, then the visions disapeared I looked into the sand and saw 2 pairs of footsteps again... and a peice of paper so many verses.... 2Timothy 1:7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power and of love and a sound mind...Romans 8:15 For you did not recieve the spirit of bondage again to fear but you recieved the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out,"Abba father".. Romans 8:28 And we knwo that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to his purpose.... and at the bottom it is written, I will never leave you nor forsake you.. I am your shepard, I will lead you to the still waters and green pastures.. I carried you through your troubled times, and you have used me as an light upon your darkest moements, I love you~

The tears stremed down my eyes... my heart was once again comforted, I know now that it's not my works that make me safe but the Lords.. I knwo that he can use me and that what ever happens is for his purpose and good :) Thank you Lord


Haha another story in 1 day? o.O hope you all enjoyed.. these verses came flyign to me in cards.. and they were so amazin.. I had to write them

Torment

ahh such a fimilair word no? what do you mean no?! hahaha I thoguht every one experiences it? get numb and become immune to it? no? oh how wrong I must be haha...

The pain that rips you inside, the hurts that reccure over and over, no one knows, why... then you scream to those who try to help and say YOU will never understand, never.. no one does!!!! and they will try and try, and you say to yourself I am screaming so loudly but no one hears me.. only hands of the deaf and even they want to try... shackled beneath with no escape tears overflow your eyes... you see nothing.. but darkness, every one thinks they know what you are going through but each go went thourgh worste or less tormeneting times.. ahhh you scream as you try to rip off the chains that have held you down for so long.. I just want a way to escape... a tear a small tear shall fall from your eye.. and then you shake it off, saying I must be strong endure this and I will go on!... years past and you feel the pain getting stronger the cut that scared you so long ago, seems so real again.. you feel the blood dripping form it, you turn to look but nothing is wrong.. you say to yourself I MUST BE STRONG!!!... and build your wall even higher and taller than before... but you do not realise that its not outside thats hurting but inside... the turmoile the pain the darkness the decievingness... you want more of the pain.. you grow a likness towards it.. but you feel uncomfortable, you say I am comforted by the pain.. but I must be strong and endure.. oh how you are left in such irony... then one day you just let go.. you say I cnanot go any further.. I need some one to help me.. screaming as you are agian just as you did from the start AHHH HELP ME FOR **** sake help me... and all you hear are your own echos... wondering why every one has left... the scar gets deeper as life goes on... and one day you see some one... some one dressed in white.. you see a light so bright... promising as it seems, you dare not touch the light.. coz you think I have been in darkness for so long? what does light look like?! a hand comes from the light.. and you cry and shiver tremble before it... you wonder.. why is this light so kind and bright?... you look down at your scar and see...
it's being healed? I dont get it... I thought pain was my only friend and enemy?! what is happening... the bright lighted person speaketh and you say ooo how golden is that voice.. so thunderous,.. it makes your legs tremble like jelly but not the way fear does... you feel comfort strike down your spine into every joint of your body.. you say why didnt you come earlier? then the voice in the light said I did, just your too busy trying to endure and be strong... but now I am weak why do you come? have you come to devour me? then the voice says no I have come to RESTORE, take the wheel from your hands.. your eyes widen.. tears fall once again.. and you think to yourself why am I crying.. why does this all feel so different and ye tI am doing the same thing as I do when I am in torment and turmole.. I feel true comfort truth... the chains that had been on your leg as a ball and chain deminishes and you feel free, you say who are you? and the voice says you know me, poeple have told you about me, your friends have thought about me, just you never liked much about me, because you never ever felt for me, I AM.... then a sudden wrath of light splashes into you you feel the release and your see colour once again you look around and see nothign but happiness no one hurt no sad... a ripped peice of a page what seems like part of the bible falls at your feet, you look and see, and remember who gave it to you so long ago... you read and see and agree... 'the truth shall set you free' how you wish you knew the Lord earlier, but never have you wanted to know him more, you say you shoulda but now know you can =) you look at the past it has gone.. the darkness that so consumed you have been vanquished you look at another part of the peice of paper and see, death where is your victory? where is your sting? you rejoice and run to the light more and more.. this time not enduring.. and being strong, but beign weak and absorbing ...

^.^ Hope you all enjoyed this story, God bless and Love ya all, Take care~~Chris ^.-

Wishes!

If you had a wish what would you do with it? haha I would wish that every one in this world would be happy and joyus. Through the years I thought to myself how impossible that would be because some people are happy one another suffers but if another suffers how would that person suffering be happy? then I was amazed... I realised, during one day in my prayer.. I couldn't stop laughing and the joy of the Lord is so undescribable. you knwo I realised, if that the whole world was in christ and really felt his presence, they could truly be happy no matter what... if they could feel his presence and his joy and peace overflowing them no matter how bad they were before the joy they get form this is so great that they'd just be happy haha. now I see it's posible up to a certain extent.

Ever wondered where your true friends lie? well.. bibically it says that a true friend will hurt you but an enemy will spoil you with Kisses... Some times I dont get why this verse says this, but it's true in a sense. if they are your friend they should know the right time to say the truth, even though it may hurt... Btu some times I wonder, I can't seem to bear to hurt friends some times.. it just doesnt feel right, but does that make me an enemy? I should think not... ah wellse may blessings over flow you bretherns and sisters :)
Chris~

Valintine's Day

oh Valinetine valintine... sweet valintine, this is the day where love and affection flows within those who have it, so blessed are thier relationship... If it is based on love and a strong foundation.. For some it's the past, the pains that have shackled them for years. To others just another day...

OH Valintine, sweet valintine, where are you now? haha Never have I once had a valintine's day celebrated with a girl.. a Letter prehaps? that I cannot remmeber in Primary Schoool... But sure enough I have not had one valintine in my life! I might have many pains and hurts but those are kept way back near december. Febuary...! My birthday month.. A month where the poeple you least expect say something to me anyway.. Prehaps this is a day I shall keep until I meet my true valintine? a Valintine the Lord has kept, or prehaps not.

Some times I wonder, can some one really spiritually embraced by the Lord get a girl friend/boy friend.. But then I look again and I see the pastors in my Church, and the marriage they have. That has lasted for so long. one day one day... prehaps. wonders carry ones thought so far away, yet in reality, they know that thoughts embrace them... released as one is, they finally see the truth, and the truth shall set them free. Every one has a perfect person for one person, but there is no such thing as the one ;)

To the broken of hearts, may you find peace on this day, May you see and realise, that a broken heart is not a heart which is in despair or pain, but a heart that calls out

To the ones that have thier dreams fufilled, May this day and many other days, be filled with much joy and peace, May you see blessings come forth, and May the Lord stand strong in your relationship

to those who just don't get why they never have a valintines, Join the club :P haha, nah, remember there is one valintine and prehaps it's that specail valintine that this day might be saved for, if not, then be happy for those who have one.

And to all my bretherns and sisters enemies, friends...

Even tho you may hate me, love me, wonder about me... I say May God touch all of your hearts... Even though I am not perfect, and still human, I know th eLord God is perfect and he did what no other could, he Died for you, so that your sins may not shackle you, and he rose so that you may see his glorification, God bless you all

Yours Sincerly,
Chris