Uncontrollable!

::WARNING THIS IS ONE OF THE LONGEST AND BY FAR THE MOST RIGHT IN THE FACE POST WRITTEN ON THIS BLOG, VULGAR LANGUAGE HAS BEEN USED BUT CENSORED::

We live in such an impersonal world these days, and even when we do live in a personal area of zone. We will never find satisfaction. In life we will face frustrations, frustrations come from no being able to be God Himself and control the situation, We want everything to go our splendid way, and when it doesn't we go and we just lose it we go berserk! throw a fit like a big baby.

Then when everything is going according to plan, we take every last miniute for granted. ok I can't speak for you but this is how I have felt before.We will never have satifaction on trying and striving to control situations, then when we don't need to have these extra things with us we go ahead an feed on them.. so much so we come fat full of the negative, thinking yes I am strong I won't fall... But when the time comes and you fall BAMM! your on your face again.

But I gotta say your not a loser if you get up again, your a loser if you stay down. Worste of all is, when we can't be God we will blame God for it instead of talking to him about it, We'll start to gnash at our on friends not being able to see who is helping and who is not. Eventually God will send some one to give you a GREAT SLAP! a slap is what you need.. and dang if only you could give yourself a slap to wake up...

But you see after all the fustration... we tend to fall into depression.. and we don't call for help because depression is a comfort zone of itself.. it eats you a live whilst making you feel in complete comfort and SELF PITY. Yeap I said it, I was in self pity before too... making my self sad to be NOTICED by not EVERYONE but that ONE person... yea sad eh? but so true.. then you yourself will start comforting AS WELL AS condemning yourself.. and it gets mroe n mroe comfortable in this pit of death... When really deep down in your heart you want freedom from this pit.. But it feeels so gooooddd you wouldn't want to come out of it.

But I tell you, when I decided to give it to God and when God sent some one to slap me awake, I realised I could live without depression and enjoy life... depression will come back to test ya, to show you that you ARE HUMAN and you HURT, and YOU ARE NOT GOD it also shows you that YOU NEED GOD, YOU NEED FRIENDS, YOU DON'T NEED COMFORT BUT A FRIGGING SLAP. haha... true enough, if friends comfort you it;s not enough, I'm sorry to say IT IS NOT ENOUGH! It'll just make you stay in that PIG sty feeding off PIG food till the day you die or realise hey My Father treats His SLAVES better than this person depression..

When you come to s stage where you say MY LIFE SUCKS, it HAS NO MEANING, it's all in VAIN! Then you want to get rid of it.. fall into an endless pit of sleep and never wake up again! This is where you make your decision... IF YOUR LIFE is not worth what YOU want it to be, GIVE IT AWAY, GIVE IT TO GOD, LET HIM USE IT. I tell you.. thats what happened to me.. I got to a stage, I'm useless and surrendered my life to God... heck I'm not a good person, but at least I know if my life isn't worth anything it's up to God to deal with it. After all it belongs to him, and not I'd rather not give it to the devil, coz personally i don't want anymore self pityness and bring others down.

I tell you now, WAKE UP, This is how it happened to me, through fustrations of uncontrolable beings, realising fire doesn't take out fire but makes the forest burn faster! when I realised HATE never really get any HATE out of the equation but make more ANGER. When you realise that depression if just a f*cking illusion now F**KING WAKE UP! if your useless if your life is in vain GIVE IT TO GOD SO HE CAN DO SOMETHING WITH IT.. STOP HOLDING IT SO TIGHT... STOP TRYING TO BE GOD...

And I tell you.. you don't need to pick up a shield and run with me, Coz God will be your sheild till the end.

Darkness never drives out darkness, only light does,
Hate never drives out hate, only love does,
Depression never drives out Depression, Revalation does.

I tell you friends, whatever is happening in on above around this decaying peice of rock. That we are trying to save, or shall i say slow down the process of decay. YOU'VE GOT THE CHOICE, AND YES YOU ARE CHOOSING WHAT YOU ARE CHOOSING NOW AND NOW IS THE TIME.

God bless ya all,
-Chris
::Sound the Jubilee - RLC::

Twist & turn

to be honest I don't know why i chose
this as the title of my post.. but here
goes~

Through life's turmoil, and through all
the pains,when we walk in valleys when we walk on
mountains,There is no end to the hurt or pains...
so that was what they said to a person
named, blane.Blane was a person who always searched
for love, somewhere in his heart he
knew true love stooped, but everytime
he ever got close enough, he was
rejected... or at least felt rejected.
But one day, he met a girl named,
sophia, she was sweet as can be, and
things were going smoothly; with of
course the occasional bumps in a
relationship. For the first time in his
life Bane felt security. He felt so
complete in his life, that he forgot
about those who truly loved him for all
his life.

However his new found love was not
easy, he would leave the house of his
parents to visit sophia, each and every
day. His relationship with his parents
deterioted, and his relationship with
his friends, would now all have a
barrier.. he sacrficed his life, just
for sophia... but ironicly she didn't
do the same for him. She loved him, but
her love wasn't enough to fill the
hole.. she saw Blane, get more n more
desperate.. only wanting to draw from
her love... she was so burdened... yet
she couldn't leave.. for years she
tendered and loved him, but for years
Blane didn't get enough. He became more
desperate.. craving for her more and
more.. that she literally became his
god.

Then, during a sunny day, when all the
birds were churping, and the trees were
blooming in all thier beauty... Sophia
told Blane, with a tired expression on
her face, and shaking in her voice, she
said,"Blane, I can't take this any
more.. it's been 4 years, but in this 4
years, though i love you , I can't
satisfy you..you've got a void, and you
just want more. during that time we
broke up before, I actually felt
freedom for a while, I enjoyed it.. but
my compassion in seeing you there
tearing into bits.. just won over me,
so I came back.. but this time.. it's
not the same.. we need to separate.."

The words were like a waterfall
crashing into his heart.. Blane felt
like he was drowning in the words of
one he thought was his life, and his
all...
sophia turned her back and left...
whilst Blane was still in shock.. it
was as if some one has just given him a
crippling blow to the heart... he felt
his life was melting away... the birds
churping became silent in his ears and
every thing felt black and white... As
he sat on the floor, thoughts started
rushing through his mind.

Memories of
his parents who loved him so tenderly
and how for the past 4 years he has
been so ignorant to them, and even took
them for granted... He sat and though
of these things.. how he left the house
2 years ago out of rage, just because
his parents told him to spend more time
with them, because they missed him. In
all His anguish he did not know what to
do, who to turn to... so slowly, he
returned to his home. His thoughts were
like ants whome home was distrubed, and
scattered. He told himself, I'll
appologise.. no no.. thats not enough
for my parents, I'll beg my way.. I'll
become thier slave.. or butler.. driver
anything.. I'm nothing now... As he was
reaching home.. he saw posters which
were torn, it read: lost, Blane bows ,
if found please inform us. name your
price, he is worth more than the world
to us!
With this.. tears started streaming
down his eyes.. he fell to the floor,
muttering, " How could i be so
selfish.. my parents loved me so much,
and I forsoke them.. how can I return
to them now?.. They'll never accept me"

*screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee* the sounds
of tyres scretching on the floor, out
of no where hands embraced him. He was
dirty and smelly from the long journey
home.. He was stunned when arms
suddenly grabbed him from behind.They were soft tender hands, as he turned around he couldn't believe his eyes, the beauty of a young girl, tears started to fall, and he embraced her back, "I'm back lil sis..", his sister was so happy that she couldn't stop cryign and smiling, the parents too were there, welcoming him back.. They embraced him and said welcome home.. before he could say anything they said, we are going to throw a party for your return, invite all your old buddies. and have a great time!..
________

well felt like writing this story, some may see it the same as the prodigal son, well you're correct. it's about the same, just this one falls on more how even though you might turn your back on God, for someone else.. God is always wanting you back home, to the place where you belong!
Hope you have been blessed.

-Chris
::The world might flood you with kisses and destroy you all together after that, but if you run back to God, He'll take all those shots for you and sheild you from the enemy::

Missing ...

I said no more sad posts.. but you know I really feel like posting this one...

This post is dedicated to my only grand pap that was alive when i was born... He was a very tall man.. 6 foot tall.. but I only saw him a few times in my entire life... He passed away last year...

To think he didn't even get to see how I've grown.. wonder what was in his heart? to not be able to see his grand children much.. wonder if he expected it? though he smoked, which I didn't really like.. but some how I miss him..

It brings tears to my eyes... I feel like.. I didn't really get to know him... why is life so fragile God? it's like time flies by so fast... and we take every moment for granted... when each second is actually a veyr precious second... Where instead of sitting in front of computer games we could be sitting with our parents watching tv.. talking about whats happening..

Some how computer has drawn over it all.. hidden in this chamber of the house... making me lose every opportunity of getting to spend precious time with family... I'm kinda sad I don't get to see my grand paps.. next time i go miri... I'm sad.. I want my grand ma to see me at least once within these 12 months... so I can just hug her once,... My grand ma on my mum's side.. so she can see her grand child... how he has grown...

God please keep her within you... continue to encourage her, let her not feel she is a burden, but instead let her feel she is needed... make her feel that she is full of life, to enjoy every moment of it, even tho... her husband has gone to pass... let her smile again... send an angel to guide and comfort her oh Lord.. I am just human oh God...

These tears.. I can feel... very strongly oh Lord.. I havn't had these tears.. since.. the last I thought of such things... don't answer my prayers coz of my tears God... answer them coz you love her God... Father.. Take care of her...

Thanks Oh Father... Thanks...

With love,
-Chris

Sadness

My apologies to Ally... as I gave a sad face before I left.. I was sad... coz I dunno.. see such a world of lostness.. I feel sad... n heavy hearted... I see all th epoeple in my office getting lots of nice things to do.. but I don't get much.. but I thank God I always have something to do.

I feel so sad in my heart.. when I see my dear, sad.. I wish I could give her that shoulder she wants to cry on... I wish to share her burdens... but I see it's her choice at the end of it.. I wish she choose to let me take some.. just give her a proper long hug... but seems I never get to... do it... I wish I could have.. but everything's passed now...

next time I will.. I am sad... and I feel like crying some times.. but I dunno why... I'm just sad... I guess we have those times when we just feel sop insecure all of a sudden.. I never have.. but when I thought of the world.. I felt a slight feeling of insecurity.. i need to switch my focus back on track and regain that confidence I had... I need to switch my focus back to Christ...

When I look at the world I feel depressed
when I look at myself I fell stressed
when I look at Jesus I feel at rest.

my small prayer
Lord Jesus, make this country a peaceful one, make it prosper and may all the ruling hands have much wisdom and guidance from you Father God. Lord Jesus, come and make my vision come back to you, I wish not see what this world sees... Lord Jesus... Renew my heart and mind... Lord Jesus..

amen.


God bless,
-Chris